Subject: [REVIEW]: A Death In New Orleans From: mirage@bayside.net Date: 1997/05/10 Message-ID: <863255646.20425@dejanews.com> Newsgroups: alt.comics.fan-fiction [More Headers] [REVIEW]: Death in New Orleans May 10, 1997 Again, spoiler alert. A Death In New Orleans by Alara Rogers (aleph@netcom.com) Can be found at: http://www.ici.net/cust_pages/darqstar/dino.htm (at Darqstar's Shifting Sands Archive) A copy of this review has been emailed to the author. Briefer Than Yer Briefs Summary: ======================= An alternate past history of Rogue, which explains how she came to call Mystique "Momma". Mirage's Gut Reaction: ======================= It was neat to see Rogue's real momma and to read one theory on the origins of the name Rogue, but frankly, I didn't have much of an emotional reaction to this story. Second Thoughts: ======================= Compared to 'Heart's Desire', this story is sadly, mediocre. A good solid story with a beginning, middle and end, but it suffered from too much melodrama. 'Death in New Orleans' has a lot of potential, - there's definitely a story there worth telling, but the missed opportunities and the problems with pacing disappointed me. The story starts out with a third person perspective, a point of view that seems to be favorite of the author. Jessamy is the mother of Rogue, aka Henrietta (!) and she's dead tired from days of hiding and running away from her husband, an FBI agent. Right away, in the first couple paragraphs, I spot a number of things that could have rescued this story from mediocrity: 1) Show, don't tell. We're _told_ that Jessamy is tired, we're _told_ that her marriage of six years was destroyed in moment of carelessness by killing someone with her mutant power. The content is interesting, but the way it's told, it's not. Overwhelming readers with this sort of immediate character sketch is liable to turn them off the story. A flashback back to her marriage, detailing Jessamy's care not to suck Richard dry would have been more interesting to read than just a narrative summary of the same thing. 2) Watch the pacing. Being on the run from her husband, there was a great opportunity here to instill some suspense, and the sense of urgency in the reader. But the immediacy of Jessamy's problems is lost in the long drawn out narrative. Another problem I had was with the fact that the paragraphs at the beginning of the story don't read much differently from those at the end. Sometimes, when you're trying convey excitement, a technique to use is shorter paragraphs for faster paced sections. A suggestion. Instead of the first paragraph summarizing the flight from her husband, why not show the whole scene at the beginning of her escape? The heart pounding fear as she hurriedly packs a few belongings, and later, nervously switching cars several times. Then, while she's driving, she could have a flashback(s) to the key events. By revealing the story in bits and pieces & allowing the reader to figure it out, the story would be a lot more entertaining than just the straight exposition. 3) Another way to combat the doldrums is to try changing the point of view (POV). It can be amazing what new life can be breathed into a story by just changing the perspective. How about first person POV from Rogue? Or at least Jessamy? I might not have continued reading if it wasn't for Jessamy, who is an intriguing character. She's obviously very strong, and she isn't lacking in courage. She's killed before, but managed to control herself during the past six years with little or no(?) formal training. The best part of this story was the dialogue, with lines like: "That's what you and Ettie are. Rabid dogs", Rogue's artless inquiry about the 'bad man' and Jessamy's halting confession to Mystique that she didn't know why she hadn't killed Richard. These were great elements, and I felt somewhat cheated when I came to the end, when I didn't learn much more about Jessamy and Richard. The other main characters are Destiny and Mystique. Destiny I'm not familiar with, so I'll refrain from any comments. Mystique, I thought was portrayed well, and in character (I especially liked Mystique's cool assessment of the situation: "If you see him again, kill him") up until near the end, when things became sappy. We had the obligatory child crying on Momma's dead breast scene. And then we had Mystique crying over Jessamy, a mutant she'd just met? Hmmm. There was a paragraph explaining that Mystique felt the parallel between the abandoned Rogue and her own son, but it didn't really convince me. The story needs some more foreshadowing or at least some indication that Mystique had her son in mind lately. I could be wrong, but somehow I got the impression that Mystique is one of those people who don't waste time on regrets. Something that surprised me: Rogue, the reason why most people would be reading the story in the first place, is regulated to the role of a minor character. There wasn't much there to distinguish her from any other five year old child (which may be the point, since Jessamy emphasizes her harmlessness while defending her from Richard). Conclusion: Much as I sympathised with Jessamy, it came nowhere near the intensity of feeling when Magneto found out it was all a dream in 'Heart's Desire'. Mostly because Jessamy was still a stranger to me. 'A Death in New Orleans' would probably be a refreshing change when you've read all the zillions of Rogue and/or Remy stories out there but still want something Southern-related. Comments on my comments? Email or post. I also take requests for reviews. Email me, and we'll talk. -Mirage. mirage@bayside.net Scott: Gambit, the only way to keep this up is to have her pregnant with triplets! Remy: I c'n keep it up all nigh-- (He pauses. Then, in a squeaky voice:) T'ree?? -From 'Boil A Lot of Water, Bub' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Visit Mirage & Jelpy's GenX Fanfic Archive! http://gen-x.simplenet.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====----------------------- http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet