10 Q Ideas We Passed Up by Ermaq and Queria Below is a descriptive list of ten high concept Q ideas we seriously considered writing before good taste finally prevailed. 1) A Bicycle Built for Q-- As a test, Q enters himself and Picard in the twentieth century Tour de France where Picard must avoid changing history by interfering with the lives of his ancestors. (We still might write this one if people annoy us too much.) 2) Ice Ice Q-- The Enterprise falls into a deadly danger from which even Q might not be able to save them when they encounter another member of the Q Continuum, the rapper Ice-Qube. But not even we could stomach writing the lyrics to "Ice Ice Q", so we shelved this one. 3) Q-Tip-- A Ferengi gets hold of Q's foreskin (detached without Q's knowledge in Deja Q), which gives him the Q powers. Q and the crew of the Enterprise must regain control of Q's errant member before the entire Federation is turned into gold-pressed latinum. Passed up for obvious reasons. 4) Ultra Slim Q-- Q turns everyone on the Enterprise fat, except for Lieutenant Barclay, for reasons left unexplained. 5) Q-pie Doll-- Q shows up on the Enterprise as a beautiful blonde of slightly ludicrous endowments who seduces Picard, Riker, Geordi, Data, Worf and Troi (don't ask)... Other titles considered: "Barbie-Q", "Q-tie", and "Fuh-Q". 6) Who Asked Q?-- A party on the Enterprise is interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Q, who claims to have been invited by a memeber of the Enterprise, but declines to say who. Suspicions and paranoia escalate into a bloodbath before the culprit is finally revealed. Another title considered: "It Had To Be Q". 7) Q Card-- Q challenges the crew of the Enterprise to a game of Old Maid with all of the Federation at stake. 8) XYZ PD Q-- Q annoys all the men on the Enterprise by teleporting in front of them and pulling their flies down. Shelved when we realized regulation Starfleet outfits are not equipped with zipper flies. 9) Without a Q-- This story doesn't actually have Q in it, but the title was too good to pass up. Actually, its original title was "Gentlemen Prefer Troi" (See "10 Story Ideas Where Troi Gets Laid That We Passed Up".) 10) Moo Q-- Q shows up looking like an Amish guy and transforms Troi into a cow to feed a colony of interstellar Amish people. Actually, this wasn't our idea-- somebody sent it to Paramount, and we cheerfully ripped it off. NEXT ISSUE: Was Elvis a Q? The Frightening Similarities