Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Path: newserv.ksu.ksu.edu!moe.ksu.ksu.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!cs.utexas.edu!chpc.utexas.edu!news.utdallas.edu!corpgate!bcarh8ac.bnr.ca!bcarh189.bnr.ca!nott!cunews!freenet.carleton.ca!FreeNet.Carleton.CA!ar153 From: ar153@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bonnie Holmyard) Subject: INCOMING DOS TEXT Message-ID: Sender: news@freenet.carleton.ca (Usenet News Admin) Organization: The National Capital FreeNet, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Date: Fri, 23 Sep 1994 15:49:09 GMT Lines: 1482 Copyright 1992 by Bonnie Holmyard The Qualm Before the Storm by Bonnie Holmyard Lieutenant Commander USS Excalibur, NCC 2004 for John de Lancie Without whom Q would not be Q and Mon Commodore... "One prequel, as ordered, sir. And sir, the stars ARE ours!" FRONTIERS OF ANY TYPE, PHYSICAL OR MENTAL, ARE BUT A CHALLENGE TO OUR BREED. NOTHING CAN STOP THE QUESTING OF MEN - NOT EVEN MAN. IF WE WILL IT, NOT ONLY THE WONDERS OF SPACE BUT the VERY stars are ours! ***** In the moonlight the water looked perfectly black, the foam perfectly white. Holmyard sat on the rocky ledge she had sat upon countless times before, watched the snow-white froth that leapt against the rocks below, and gave herself over to the scene. The wind roared in her ears, joining the song of the surf and bringing to her a sense of solitude she'd desperately needed. Somehow the holodeck never produced the right roaring wind, this wind that buffeted her now and blotted out all other sensations. And sounds. She was getting calmer and calmer and more and more agitated at the same time. Excitement competed with serenity, as it always did when she first returned. It was a battle she'd yearned to experience all those long months in space and now, now she was here and, the battle was hers. Invariably her eyes sought the stars. They twinkled in the millions, correction... in the billions, seeming to dance in the heavens and frolic with the waves on the far off horizon. This was the vista of the stars she most appreciated. Not the streak seen when in warp, nor the perpetual beam of starlight without the aid of an atmospheric melody to make them dance. She wanted the stars to always dance, and sparkle, as if alive and dancing just for her. Simultaneously she shivered and smiled. It was not a shiver brought on by the cold. California did not get cold. It was a shiver of absolution, a smile of satisfaction. She was home, in her paradise, away from the bombardment of the emotions of others, away from rules and regulations. Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard had dis- appeared the instant she'd taken the uniform off, and she'd done that the moment she'd arrived. Here Starfleet didn't exist. Here she wore blue jeans and loose-fitting sweatshirts. Here she was simply Bonnie... Bonnie with the sea and the stars. For how long she so sat - enthraled with the panorama of her surroundings - she didn't know, didn't care, when suddenly she sensed a presence. Her Betazoid half took over, instinctively searching. Who? What? Where? She could neither see nor pinpoint the presence but there was no denying its proximity, nor the rapture it projected. 'Welcome to my paradise,' she mentally propelled the greeting and the sentiment. 'No one ever told me it was so breath-taking!' The response came instantly, from where? again she could not tell, but, 'Yes,' she agreed, 'it IS breath-taking!' Her eyes were drawn to the waves that crashed upon the rocks beyond the sandy shore, as if the ocean were furiously claiming this section of coastline, which, of course, it was. 'Pity,' the voice exclaimed, and now the communicator was nearer. She sensed it, as if... her head twirled left and there he sat, right next to her! "How?" she asked but at the same instant he spoke, and the sound of his voice was even more beguiling than the music of his telepathy. And his eyes were hynotic. "Hush," he said, "and behold." And she did behold... his splendour. So assured, so poised, so enraptured by the majesty of their surroundings. She too felt its pull, and despite her craving this very image for months on end, just the sight of the wind whipping wildly at his hair, the enchantment his whole being projected, was enough to hold her spellbound. 'Who ARE you?' she thought. He looked at her and smiled. "And this is 'your' paradise?" he said, his hand reaching for her face. "What an exquisite creature you must be." His hand made contact, with her cheek, his touch staggering. The vista of the heavens and earth seemed to suddenly swallow her whole. It was as if she'd become one with the wind, the surf, the sound, the stars, and him. She heard laughter, laughter filled with nothing but unrestrained joy, and although his lips didn't move - except toward hers - she knew it was 'his' laughter she experienced. And then his lips made contact; lightly caressing her lips, moving onward to her cheeks, her chin, her forehead; each touch the perfect consummation of desire; and when they finally returned to her lips and stayed there, she thought herself ready, but she was not. Cascades of ecstasy poured over her, rushing with the fury of the waves that surrounded them, yet as calm as the foam that stroked the beach. 'So exquisite.' His telepathic message tingled through her soul as his lips left hers. She opened her eyes to his hypnotic gaze, felt his hand capture hers and suddenly they were on the beach, the water streaking over the smooth hard-packed sand, lapping at their bare feet, the stars now seeming to dance ecstatically, the wind singing its approval. She thought nothing of the miracle of their transfer. She cared only that they were together, walking in silence, his arm around her waist. And, she paid no attention to where he led her, content only to be at his side. 'Always?' he questioned. 'Forever,' she answered and he smiled, a smile that made her melt inside. ***** Holmyard awoke the next morning to wonder if it had all been a dream. Had she really walked the beach for hours on end, up and down, back and forth, with a stranger?! Had she really melted in his embrace? Had his kisses truly made the stars collide in her mind? Had she lost 'all' her senses?! What was wrong with her?! Why would she so easily fall into the arms of a stranger?! Had she really done so? She believed it true, and yet she didn't even know his name! Didn't know if she would ever see him again! Why did the thought that she wouldn't bring to her spirit such a panic? She was not one for entering romantic relationships without qualms. She had her career, had wanted nothing more. 'Had'?! When had that changed? At dawn, that's when, when she'd found herself again sitting on her rocky ledge, and alone. He'd disappeared as mysteriously as he'd appeared, and she knew nothing more about him, nothing but the certainty she'd die if she didn't see him again. 'Die'! Snap out of it girl! He's just a man! But 'what' a man! ***** Hot! The California sun was as hot as she remembered. Holmyard smiled contentedly as she stretched out on her blanket. Clad only in a bikini - as far from regulation wear as she dared - she enjoyed the California sun as much as she had enjoyed its starry night sky. Two weeks... NO! now thirteen days before she had to return to active duty, and no matter in what direction her heart would pull her, she was determined to do all that she'd planned to do on this leave, which amounted to nothing, nothing but glorifying in the splendours of this stretch of land and water. 'Private property' the signs proclaimed on both ends of the beach and the road-front boundary line, though she could see none of them from where she lay. This tract of land had been in her mother's family for centuries untold. All the over-protected years of her youth, Holmyard had spent here, much to the delight of whichever private tutor she'd been condemned to endure for the year. Being an unexplained empath 'did' have its privileges. She'd always hated San Francisco, birthplace or no. But here, here she felt freedom, even when sitting in the cottage cramming for some upcoming examination. Not that she'd ever forget the torment she'd suffered when invited to attend the Vulcan Academy of Sciences. Her mother needn't have reminded her of the honour of such a request. She knew. But, it was the thought of leaving this haven of tranquillity that made her hesitate. Of course, she had gone. She'd needed the Vulcan disciplines and thanked the stars for all she'd learned there, but when she returned to Earth, it was to this sanctuary she'd hurried. And, it was from here she'd attended Starfleet Academy. And it was to here she rushed whenever... "You are Starfleet!" Holmyard's eyes flew open. It was HIM, but his eyes, his eyes were now clouded with loathing. "I... I..." she stuttered. "Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard," he continued with severity, "service number AZ523-2871, current assignment USS Excel!" He was stomping back and forth in front of her, kicking up the sand, eyes flashing, nostrils flaring. "Conn officer, first class, command training!" He stopped suddenly to glare at her. "Do you deny these charges?" "Charges?! You make it sound like a criminal record!" He snorted, disdainfully, and Holmyard's defences went on Red Alert. She was on her feet in an instant. "Just 'who' do you think you are!" she shouted. "I am Q," he retorted as if it meant something. "So?" she said and inconceivably he was laughing. She sensed the sincerity of his amusement, as well as the instant loss of his anger, and something else... relief?... she couldn't tell, because at the same moment his hand found her cheek and his touch seemed to alter reality. Again there was only him... and the pounding of the surf... and the heat of the sun... and the heat of 'his' passion... the heat of 'her' passion... 'their' passion! And when his lips captured hers the desire that had coursed through her being the night before once again took control. It wasn't until he released her - how much time had passed Holmyard could not fathom? It could have been seconds. It seemed an eternity - before reality returned. Staggeringly. She grasped tightly to what sanity it offered. "WHAT are you?" she somehow managed to ask. His smile did not falter as he responded but reality did, literally. The beach, the surf and the sun were suddenly gone! They now sat on her blanket, but it and they were engulfed in an empty black void! No sound, no light, no reference! The only illumination seemed to emanate from Q as he said, "How does one describe the nondescript?" Holmyard only half heard. Her right hand was inching tentatively toward the blanket's edge. There was nothing beyond, or beneath! "I don't like this," she instantly said. "Nothing will harm you while you are with me," Q said and she stared at him, a part of her wanting to believe while another part tried to understand what was happening, and failed. As if sensing her discomfort he asked, "What would you like?" No hesitation. "I want to be back where I belong." "You belong with me," he answered, his hand once again reaching to stroke her face. She drew back, instinctively, and Q's eyes took a definite insolent slant. The haughtiness he suddenly projected only reinforced what she saw in his eyes. "I want to be back on my property NOW," she stated defiantly and they were back. The onslaught of light and sound was overpowering. Holmyard fought for control. "How'd you do that?" "My powers extend beyond your mortal comprehension," he said as he stretched out on the blanket. "My mortal compre... What species are you?" "I am Q, and you promised to be with me forever." "I did no such..." but she had, last night, when he'd first appeared to her. It seemed she relived the moment: the ecstasy of his touch, the security of his presence, the peace that had embraced her. And she HAD said she'd be content to be with him forever. How could she help but say so! Never had she felt so right with the universe. "So what's changed?" he asked. "Can you deny your attraction to me?" He paused, granting her time to answer. Then, as if to augment the emotions she was recalling, "I did nothing to compel that attraction." "How can I know 'that' to be true, considering what you've shown me of your powers." "I have shown you nothing but can share with you much. Don't deny me just because you don't understand me." And the stark and empty loneliness he was now projecting touched her deeply, as did his words. He 'was' a loving caring person, no matter what species he was, no matter what powers he controlled, and she 'did' care for him, more than she was willing to admit. "I recently learned of Earth's existence," Q said, obviously lost in the memory, "and came seeking San Francisco because it was the most prominent location in the minds of those I'd encountered." She sensed the truth of his words as she watched, mesmerized by the sheer fullness of his lips, the music of his voice. "Like you, they were Starfleet, but they spurned me." Again came his emanations of isolation, coupled with the added pain of rejection. "They wanted nothing to do with me, because of who I am, what I am." Now his pride entered his reminiscence. "So I came to Earth, to San Francisco, to see if all Humans were as insensitive as those I'd found in space." Q halted his recollection to stare profoundly into her eyes. "I found you, and your paradise. You did not reject me then. Why do you now?" His sense of longing was now overpowering. For all his great powers he was just an innocent, wanting nothing more than love and companionship. Who was she to deny him what he wanted and what she wanted to give? Now it was she who reached to stroke his face. "I don't reject you, Q," she murmured as she bent to kiss him and the joy he projected at her acceptance made her want to weep. ***** "You're leaving me." "I must." "You return to them." "Q, I've told you repeatedly, I do NOT reject you." He pouted. They had spent the past thirteen days and nights together, constantly. He'd revealed little of his origins but had consistently astounded her with his powers, powers he'd used to keep them both cloaked in an eternal bliss. And his infatuation; with her every gesture, her every spoken word; was NOT to be denied. She felt and knew of his love and loved him in return. Why could he not accept she must return to duty, that such a return did not, WOULD not interfere with her feelings for him? "Stay with me, Bonnie," he pleaded as he reached for her hand, "please." At his touch the power of his presence swept over her, but her intimacy with its potency gave her the strength to fight it. "They would only come looking for me if I didn't return," she began again. How many times had they been over this since awaking this morning. She wanted to leave him like she wanted a phaser shot in the face, and he knew it. "Let them look! I can take you where they cannot find us, where they do not exist." "I am 'they' Q, but that doesn't stop me from loving you." "They'll stop you." Holmyard shook her head, sadly. "Have you no faith in me and my love?" "They'll poison your mind and your heart to me, Bonnie." He was like one who had never before experienced the adversities of love. Could that be possible? Even she, who had been so devoted to her career, had dabbled in love before, yet compared to him, she felt like a connoisseur. "Why do you repeatedly say that?" Now it was he who shook his head, disheartened. The emotions he projected were staggering: want fought aversion, fear fought conviction, pride fought love. She could make no sense of the chaos. "I will lose you," he uttered dejectedly. She knelt in front of him, took both his hands in her own and stared into his omniscient eyes. "You will never lose me, Q. I love you. That will never change." "If I were to say that, it would be the truth," he retorted, his anger surging to the surface. Just as quickly it abated. "And I DO say it." Love poured from him, irrefutable love, for her. "I love you, Bonnie, and I don't want you to leave me!" "Q," she sighed in exasperation. What was the use? She stood and lightly tapped the Starfleet insignia that shone on her chest. "Holmyard to Starfleet Command." From two hundred kilometres to the north the response came loud and clear. "Starfleet Command." 'Please don't go!' he pleaded. She smiled at him, a smile filled with compassion and experience. 'You'll see,' she projected in return while saying, "Lieutenant Holmyard returning to duty." "Stand by." "I'll love you always, Q," she said as the transporter reached for her. 'Call for me and I'll be there.' His message went with her. ***** "Was your holiday all that you hoped, Holmyard?" "Can't complain, sir." "Nothing undue to report?" "Nothing whatsoever." The commander smiled and checked the computer terminal in front of him. "Excel won't be in spacedock until thirteen hundred hours," he reported what he read. Then his violet eyes met hers. "Do you want to transport over now or later?" "Later," Holmyard decided, wishing she'd thought to check for the ship's arrival time ahead of schedule. She could have shared these next five hours with Q. She could still go back. Five hours 'was' five hours. But would Q still be there? "See you then," the commander acknowledged and turned back to the terminal to key in her response. A terminal! That was just what she needed, a private terminal! The layout of Starfleet Headquarters flashed through her mind. Two flights up and she'd find any number of private terminals. Fifteen minutes later she was seated in front of such a terminal with direct access to Starfleet's wondrous computer banks. She stared at the highlighted request prompt and her answer: SUBJECT: Q Should she enter the request? Did she really want to know what Starfleet had on file on the man who had captured her heart? Why hadn't he told her? She'd asked him enough times. Could it really be so terrible? Would it truly cause her to reject him as he so strenuously asserted it would? She did not believe it possible, but, there was only one way to learn. She pressed the ENTER key and waited. The response took longer than she anticipated and was definitely not what she expected: YOU ARE ORDERED TO REMAIN AT THIS TERMINAL AND AWAIT THE ARRIVAL OF STARFLEET SECURITY. Holmyard stared at the screen now totally perplexed. What had Q done to warrant this?! It couldn't be that bad. He hadn't been incarcerated? Or had he? How could anyone cage Q?! "Lieutenant Holmyard?" She swivelled the chair to face the two security guards. "That is correct." "Please come with us." ***** The Commander Starfleet! Holmyard could hardly believe she sat in front of 'THE' admiral in charge of Starfleet! Let alone that he was demanding what information she had on the Q Continuum! "I know nothing of a Q Continuum, Admiral. I know only of a being calling himself Q." "Same difference," Admiral Blasberg asserted. "Allow me to brief you as to what we know of Q." He pushed a button on his desk and the screen behind him came to life. First there blazed the seal of the United Federation of Planets, then Starfleet's emblem. And as Blasberg typed whatever into his terminal there came a demand for retina scan identification. Holmyard felt her apprehension grow. Retina scans meant business. There 'had' to be some mistake! She was just about to say so again when the unemotional voice of a ship's computer filled the room. "Computer Log, Stardate 41150.7, USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D, Captain Jean-Luc Picard commanding." The flagship, Holmyard thought, as the image of its celebrated captain filled the screen. And as she listened to Picard recount his ship's, and Starfleet's, first encounter with the Q Continuum she felt her blood run cold, then hot, and then boil. But when Enterprise's internal cameras began to substantiate what Picard had recounted, she wanted to scream. IT WAS Q! HER Q! No matter how he chose to dress himself, he was HER Q! 'They'll poison your mind and your heart to me, Bonnie.' POISON! Poison did in no way convey the malignancy that attacked her poor defensive system. How could he...?! "Now, Lieutenant," Admiral Blasberg said as the screen behind him faded to blackness, "what can you tell me about the Q Continuum?" QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ!!!!! she mentally screamed, but despite his assurance that all she need do is call, Q did not answer. ***** Holmyard opened her eyes to darkness, and disorientation. No, not complete darkness. She 'could' see. She lay on a diagnostic bed and its controls shed a faint light on her surroundings, as did the forcefield at the room's only door. Wait a minute! She pushed herself up on her elbows. Forcefield?! What?! The landslide of memories began. "You leave me no choice," the Commander-in-Chief stated resignedly. Gone was his anger, his frustration and his patience. "I hereby invoke Starfleet Regulation XIX.08.17." Blasberg became like one in an unemotional automotive mode. "Sub-article 10 states: A Starfleet officer is responsible under the Laws and Mandates of the United Federation of Planets, its member planets and agents, including Starfleet, and is subject to internal discipline and/or prosecution by internal and/or external authorities for any violation of said Laws and Mandates. "Sub-article 05: Starfleet officers shall do all in their power to protect the security of the UFP, its member planets and agents, including Starfleet, providing such action does not conflict with General Order One. "Sub-article 13: As long as they wear the uniform of Starfleet, an officer shall not provide aid or information to, nor otherwise assist or consort with, the enemies of the UFP, or any group of beings recognized as potentially dangerous to the security of the UFP, its member planets or agents, including Starfleet. "Sub-article 16: An officer may be tried and sentenced by a Court Martial Board, composed of no less than three officers of Command Grade, for crimes committed in violation of Starfleet General Orders or UFP Laws and Mandates. In the event an officer is so charged, they are entitled to legal council and representation at any and all hearings by a representative of the Judge Advocate General's office. "Notwithstanding the above quoted regulations, under Sub- section 15, an officer may be relieved of duty at any time if found to be medically or psychologically unfit by a ship's Chief Medical Officer or by a Competency Review Board, composed of not less than two officers of Command Grade. "Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard, you are summarily relieved of duty under Sub-section 15, psychological clause, for being in violation of Sub-sections 5, 10 and 13. Your rights have been clearly stated under Sub-section 16 and will be considered in effect as of this Stardate, 41607.1." "Nooooo," she moaned. With a blinding flash of light Q stood before her, his face flushed with excitement. "You told them nothing!" he crowed triumphantly. "Despite what they told you, what they showed you, you told them nothing! You 'do' love me!" Holmyard stared at him, feeling his excitement and fighting the automatic rise of her own. Too much, it was all too much! Every nerve of her being was pulled taut and her emotions were tearing along that tautness totally undirected. She needed time; time to coherently ponder all that had happened to her since she first fell into Q's arms; time to shake the shock that had shrouded her since meeting with Admiral Blasberg; time to come to terms which what she'd learned, not to mention her segregated reaction to that knowledge; time she was not to be granted. "Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded. Now he was sitting at her side, his hand holding hers, his face reflecting the battle of his emotions. And she felt first the mesmerizing power of his touch and then the assault of his emotions: the consumption of his yearning, the arrogance of his ego, the depth of his dependency, the aversion of his superiority, and, his total disregard of all for love. And then there were her own emotions: her contempt for him, her love for him, her contempt for herself... "I was selfish," Q answered frankly. "I 'AM' selfish. You gave me love, something I had never experienced before, and you gave it unconditionally, through no control of mine. I didn't want to see it die." His confession, for there was no other word to describe Q's declaration, took her by surprise. She was veritably stunned. This from the entity she'd thought she knew, intimately, but had been forced to see in all his indifferent splendour. Still, she could not deny the part of her that exulted in the fact such a being as he felt such devotion for her. "Yes," he breathed, "yes! You consume me..." Without warning the forcefield disengaged. Two security guards charged in, phasers drawn and firing. Q absorbed the phaser fire as if it were harmless. One glance and the guards popped out of existence. A shimmering net of energy - the same interlocking grid she'd seen Q use on Enterprise's tapes - unfolded across the doorway and reinforced in her mind like nothing had before, he 'WAS' the Q Continuum! "...as much as I consume you!" he went on as if nothing had happened, but his face wore the callousness of his actions, his smile smug as he stared at the results of his handiwork. He was like two people, one capable of the deepest love, the other insensitive to all but his wants. His omniscient eyes met hers. "Let us be gone from this place!" "No!" "No?! You deny me?!" "I deny it all!" she asserted firmly. She pulled her hand from his, freeing herself from the provocativeness of his touch, and jumped off the bed. Struggling to overcome the pain of her heartache, she somehow held his gaze unflinchingly. "We can never be together, Q, can't you see that?" "Why? You've proven your loyalty to me. Now I will share with you the powers of Q. We can be together, forever, like you said." "No!" she repeated. From the corner of her eye she saw more security guards appear outside the grid, phasers drawn and ready for discharge. "You must leave," she said with a calmness she did not truly feel, "without me." Q's head swirled toward the door. "They cannot hurt me," he sneered, but his eyes were filled with pain when they flashed back to hers, "but you can. You do! Stop it!" He was inculpably revealing his dependency, on her, and the impact of his fixation sent her emotions, which she'd been trying so hard to control, into freefall. He loved her and she... she loved him! Who was she to deny their love the right to exist, to thrive? But he was Q! He cared for no one but himself. Untrue! He loved her! Undeniable! But because of him her life was in chaos. She was considered psychologically unfit, had been relieved of duty, was facing court martial procedures! Maybe she 'should' flee with him. Her thoughts were breaking up and disintegrating as fast as they came, each washing her soul with profound emotions, but she also felt the unfettered riot of his emotions. They lashed at her, unforgivingly: the coldness of his fury, the intolerance of his supremacy, the pain of his heartache, his rejection of that pain, and, its infinite resilience. Then, as if suddenly realizing she was aware of his inner conflict, Q went blank. Holmyard sensed nothing, nothing but her own disharmony, yet as overpowering as it was, it seemed to pale compared to the temerity of his gaze. He had become imperturbable, now projecting only uncontested superiority. "No," he said coldly. "You will NOT reject me. I will NOT allow it. You will accept the truth. I can see into your soul, Bonnie, and you care nothing for what I've done to others. My actions against them are as meaningless as their actions against me, as meaningless as their actions against you. All that matters is your love for me. I will NOT let you take it away." She could not deny what he said yet fought to deny it. She loved him, yes, but his love was corrupting. "I will probably love you forever," she heard herself murmur, then realized what she'd said. Her voice became strong. "But that doesn't mean I like you, Q. I despi..." "NO!" he roared. "Don't say it!" But she did. "I despise you, Q." "NO!" he roared again and this time his voice became a power onto itself, the unleashed power of his mind. The walls of the room literally shook with that power. The transparent aluminium cover of the diagnostic panel imploded. Tiny shards showered around them as the bed he'd been sitting on - he now sat on nothing, suspended in mid-air - went flying across the room to bang against one wall, ricochet to another, before dancing obscenely across the floor. And through it all he glared at her. She could not escape his scrutiny. For the first time Holmyard felt fear and that's when a blanket of detachment fell over her. Mental shields fell into place. Logic entered the chaos of her consciousness. She had long ago disciplined her mind to intuitively apply the Vulcan principles when too strong an emotion threatened to overpower her sensibilities. Why it hadn't unfolded before this she didn't know and now was not the time for such reflection. Destruction surrounded her. Cracks were appearing in the ceiling, running in jagged lines to the walls, which split asunder at the force of Q's fury. And through those fractures she heard one ear-shattering explosion after another, compounded by the blaring of one klaxon after another, and the shrieks of pain. Do NOT focus on it, she silently commanded herself. Think logically. Destruction surrounded her but did not touch her. Why? Because... because he could not bear to destroy that which he loved. Was that the counsel of logic or her ego speaking? Logic, she decided. Now she must ignore the pandemonium of feelings the thought brought to life and let logic reign. If his love for her was his weakness, how could she use it against him? What tactic would best work? Or, was that the most logical approach? "Stop it, Q!" she shouted, but if he heard he paid no attention. He was out of control. He no longer hovered in a sitting position. Now he stood upright but his feet did not touch the floor, which a part of her noted, revealed the same stress the ceiling and walls displayed. She took a step toward him and with a clap of thunder a crevice opened at her feet, separating them. "Stop it!" she shouted, "and listen to me!" Q's eyes flashed to hers. "Let us be gone from this place." The destruction halted. "You will be with me?" "We need to talk." "You seek only to escape my wrath!" "Your wrath I accept," she said, "this destruction, I do not. You've made your point." "Being?" "You do not have the experience to handle emotional crisis." She didn't need Betazoid abilities to sense his reaction. He was furious. Before he could explode further, or she consider further, Holmyard jumped the chasm and landed directly in front of him. There was one Vulcan discipline she, an outworlder, had mastered that would speak far better than words. Her hand reached for his face. "You are Q" she spoke the words verbally and mentally as her fingers made precise contact. She hoped against hope the disciplines would shield her mind as she entered the wonders of his. "Q is peerless." His ego rushed to agree with her. "What use does Q have for Human emotions!" Agreement, suspicion. "Q is above such imperfection." Consummate agreement. "Q is content to know a lowly Human loves him. Yes, NO! "I love you, Q. I will love you forever." Mental reinforcement, truthfully given, honestly accepted. The meld strengthened. "My love will be with you always." Triumph. "You will never be without its power." Leeriness. "Do not fight it. Allow it to fortify you." Qualms. "Q will be stronger because of my love." Her hand was jerked from his face. "What trick is this?" "No trick," Holmyard answered, projecting innocence while inwardly she hoped against hope the suggestions she had planted would take root. "I simply share with you my love." "You were inside my mind!" "I will be with you forever." "No!" "I thought that's what you wanted." Q paused in his ranting. His eyes slid to slits of suspicion. Before he could speak, she went on, her voice calm, rational, reasonable. "It's love that you want, Q, not me? I have given you that which you want. It will be with you forever. I cannot. You must accept that and leave me." Again his face revealed the battle of his emotions, and she sensed them, felt them, shared them, but forced herself to ignore the bond she had just forged. Forced herself to ignore the all- powerful love she knew he felt for her. Forced herself on. "As love inspires emotions of joys, so too does it induce pain," she spoke truthfully. "The pain that now cuts at your heart, cuts also at mine, but you are Q. You are strong enough to overcome such pain and prosper from its joy." "You DO love me." He was pouting again. "Forever." "Still, you want me to leave you." "Forever." "This pain, it will fade?" "In time." "Time! I can crush time, squeeze it into the obsolete, stretch a second to last an eternity!" "Then you face no problem." "And you?" "I am not Q. I will bear my pain until time eases its hold." Again Q became reflective. Holmyard took advantage of the moment to again look toward the door. The guards still stood looking inward, still held their phasers ready, and behind them now stood Admiral Blasberg. Could he see and hear what transpired inside? "Would you have me erase all memory of my presence from your mind?" Q asked suddenly. "No!" she answered just as quickly. "I want always to remember you, and our love. It will never die." This she would not hide. Q smiled. "And what about what 'they' have in store for you?" "I want nothing to change, Q," she said as she again reached for his face. This time she merely stroked the smoothness of his cheek and relished the rush of desire just touching him brought to her. It was a desire she would never forget and never feel again. "Except maybe this destruction," she added and before she'd even finished the statement all evidence of his temper tantrum had vanished. She stretched up to kiss him but he too was gone before contact was made. Holmyard shuddered, felt the tears sting her eyes, the ache of their inseparable bond, and the two strong arms that closed round her. She was turned, to stare into the face of the admiral, who simply pulled her close and offered her his silent comfort. ***** Holmyard sat before a joint Court Martial and Competency Review Board once again fighting off shock. She had relived all the bliss, consternation and pain of her encounter with Q when she'd openly related the incident to the board's members. The intensity of that recollection was all but unbearable. The ache of the bond she now and would forever share with Q was unexpressable, and added to it was the realization that no matter what judgment was passed upon her today, her life would never be the same again. Her paradise, her haven of tranquillity, was gone. The one place on Earth where she'd ever felt peace and equanimity had been taken from her. Not literally, the tract of land would always remain in her family, but there was no way she could ever return to its sanctity. It was there she had found her bondmate, the only being she had ever truly loved. Both were now gone from her, forever, and what that separation meant she was only now coming to understand. The emptiness that racked her soul at Q's absence proved everything else to be as meaningless as he'd stated such things could be. She was hardly aware of the fact that she could be dishonourably discharged from Starfleet, or the possibility she could be incarcerated for her actions. Every fiber of her being called out for Q. "This assembly has reached its decision," the Commander Starfleet announced. Commander Mangione's hand fall on her arm and Holmyard turned to face her representative from the Judge Advocate General's office. He started to rise to his feet and she reflexively followed suit. Wearily, she faced the five Command Grade officers who comprised the dual board. "Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard," Admiral Blasberg intoned, "you exhibited great naivete in your unquestionable acceptance of the entity known as the Q Continuum, but considering who, or rather 'what' you were dealing with, that naivete is understandable. However, when informed of past transgressions and the known danger the Q Continuum poses to the security of the United Federation of Planets, you remained silent as to your knowledge of this being. By so doing you violated Starfleet Regulation XIX.08.17, Sub-sections 05, 10 and 13. "However, due to your psychological state at the time, and again considering the power of the entity in question, your actions are regarded as those outside your control. This decision was substantiated when you were given this opportunity to respond to the charges brought against you, wherein you explained fully your encounter with the Q Continuum. Also taken into consideration was the fact your actions caused the reversal of the considerable damage sustained by Starfleet Headquarters at Q's appearance, notwithstanding the debateable fact it was because of your relationship with Q the damaged occurred in the first instance. "Nonetheless, it is the ruling of this assembly that all charges against you be withdrawn. However, to reinforce in your mind your duty under Starfleet Regulation XIX.08.17, sub-section 05, one demerit will be attached to your service record. Do I assume correctly in believing this demerit, the first to mar your exemplary record to date, will impact sufficiently on your awareness?" Images of Q bombarded Holmyard's awareness; Q smiling, Q fuming, Q pouting, Q loving; images that would be with her forever. "Yes, sir," she responded. "Then it is the decision of this Court Martial Board that you be hereby reinstated to the rank of full lieutenant. Further, it is the decision of this Competency Review Board that you be authorized to return to active duty after counselling. But Lieutenant, both boards strongly advise that you please be more careful when next you fall in love." THE END, OR NOT THE END THAT IS THE QUESTION Holmyard out. Stardate -1/9201.13 -- "It's a question of intelligence so your opinion has very little relevance." Q ar153@Freenet.Carleton.CA (Bonnie Holmyard)