Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Path: tivoli.tivoli.com!geraldo.cc.utexas.edu!cs.utexas.edu!utnut!nott!cunews!freenet.carleton.ca!FreeNet.Carleton.CA!ar153 From: ar153@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bonnie Holmyard) Subject: And Now For Something Completely Different Message-ID: Sender: news@freenet.carleton.ca (Usenet News Admin) Organization: The National Capital FreeNet, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Date: Fri, 21 Oct 1994 15:41:06 GMT Lines: 575 The Man They Call Q *to be read to the beat of The Cat in the Hat all credit fully given to the great twentieth century Terran poet, Dr. Seuss* The stars did not shine It was too dark to play So we sat on the bridge All that dark, dark, dark day I sat there with Bonnie We sat there, we two And I said, "How I wish We had something to do!" Too dark to see out And to big to freefall So we sat on the bridge We did nothing at all So all we could do was to Sit, sit, sit, sit And we did not like it Not one little bit And then Something went BUMP! How that BUMP made us jump We looked Then we saw him Step out of the blue We looked And we saw him The man they call Q And he said to us, "Why do you sit there like that? "I know it is dark "And the sun is not sunny "But we can have lots of good fun that is funny!" "I know some good games we could play," said the Q. "I know some new tricks," said the man they call Q. "A lot of good tricks, "I will show them to you "Your CO will not mind at all if I do." Then Bonnie and I Did not know what to say Our CO was off of the bridge for the day But our commander said, "NO! NO! "Make that Q go away! "Tell that man you call Q, "You do not want to play. "He should not be here! "He should not be about! "He should not be here! "When our CO is out!" "Now, now, have no fear, have no fear," said the Q. "My tricks are not bad," said the Q to the few. "Why, we can have lots of good fun take a gander with a game that I call up, up, up with a commander!" "Put me down!" said our commander. "This is no fun at all! "Put me down!" said commander. "I do not wish to fall!" "Have no fear," said the Q "I will not let you fall. "I will hold you up high, "As if you were a ball. "With a star in one hand! "And a new sun for you! "But that is not all I can do," said the Q. "Look at me! Look at me now!" said the Q. "With a galaxy and universe just slightly askew! "I can hold up two Klingons! "I can hold up this ship! "And a little blue planet! "And some Vulcans to flip! "And look! I can hop around off of the walls! "But that is not all! Oh no, that is not all!" That is what the Q said, Then he fell on his head. He came down with a bump, From up there on the wall, And Bonnie and I We saw all the things fall! And our commander came down, too. He fell with a SPLOT! And said, "Do I like this? "Oh no! I do not! "This is not a good game," said our commander as he lit. "No, I do not like it, "Not one little bit!" "Now look what you did!" said the commander as he spat. "Now look at the bridge! "Look at this! Look at that! "You pulled up the panels, "Communications are out. "You shook up the viewscreen, "And you sit there and pout. "You should not be here, "Where our CO is not. "You get off of this ship!" said Commander Tomoq. "But I like to be here, "Oh, I like it a lot!" said the man they call Q to Commander Tomoq. "I will not go away, "I do not wish to go, "And so," said the man they call Q, "So, so, so... "I will show you another good game that I know." And then he faded out, And, then, fast as a fox, They man they call Q, Materialized back with a box. A big red wood box, It was shut with a hook, "Now look at this trick," said the Q. "Take a look!" Then he got up on top With a much better view "I call this game fun-in-a-box," said the Q. "In this box are two things, "I will show to you now, "You will like these two things," said the Q with a bow. "I will pick up the hook, "You will see something new, "Two things, and I call them, "Thing One and Thing Two." "These Things will not bite you. "They want to have fun." Then out of the box, Came Thing Two and Thing One. And they ran to us fast. They said, "How do you do? "Would you like to shake hands, With Thing One and Thing Two?" And Bonnie and I Did not know what to do So we had to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two. We shook there two hands But our commander said, "No! No! "Those Things should not be on this ship "Make them go! "They should not be here "When our CO is not "Put them out, put them out!" said Commander Tomoq. "Have no fear, little commander," said the man they call Q. "These Things are good things, "They will not hurt you. "They are tame, oh, so tame, "They have come here to play, "They will give you some fun "On this dull, dull, dull day." "Now, here is a game that is hip," said the Q. "They like to fly starships," said the man they call Q. "No, not Excalibur!" said Commander Tomoq. "They should not fly starships! "Oh no, they should not! "Oh, the things they will bump! "Oh, the things they will hit! "Oh, I do not like it! "Not one little bit!" Then Bonnie and I Saw them run off the bridge We saw those two Things Head off on a binge Thing Two and Thing One They ran up, they ran down One the head of one Thing We saw Chilton's new gown! Her gown with the dots that are pink, white and red Then we saw Thing Two jump Onto Harobed's head! Then those Things ran about With big gumps, jumps and kicks And with hops and big thumps And all kinds of bad tricks And I sai, "I do not like "the way that they play! "If CO could see this, "Oh, what would he say?!" Then Tomoq said, "Look! Look!" And our commander shook with fear "The shuttle is on its way back, "Do you hear?! "Oh, what will the CO do to us? "What will he say? "Oh, he will not like ti "To find us this way! "So do something! Fast!" said Tomoq. "Do you hear?! "I saw him, our CO, our CO is near! "So, as fast as you can, "Think of something to do! "You will have to get rid of "Thing One and Thing Two!" So, as fast as I could I went after my net And I said, "With my net, "I can get them, I bet. "I bet, with my net "I can get those Things yet!" Then I let down my net. It came down with a PLOP! And I had them! At last! Those two Things had to stop. Then I said to the Q, "Now, you do as I say, "You pack up those Things "And you take them away!" "Oh dear," said the Q. "You did not like our game, "Oh dear, what a shame What a shame, what a shame!" Then he shut up the Things In the box with the hook And the Q went away With a sad kind of look "That is good," said Tomoq. "He has gone away, yes. "But our CO will come, "And see all of this mess! "And this mess is so big, "And so deep and so tall, "We cannot fit it up, "There is no way at all!" And then... who was back on the bridge? Why the Q, "Have no fear of this mess," said the man they call Q. "I always pick up all my playthings and so," "I will show you another good trick that I know." Then we saw him pick up All the things that were down He picked up the panels And the screen, and the gown.. And the planet, and the galaxy, And the Vulcan, and the star, And the Klings, and the sun, And the universe in a jar. And he put them away, Then he said, "That is that." And then he was gone, With a tip of his hat. Then our CO came in And he said to us few, "Did you have any fun? "Tell me, what did you do?" And Bonnie and I Did not know what to say Should we tell him the things That went on here this day? Should we tell him about it? Now, what should we do? Well, what would you do If your CO asked you? adapted by an anonymous Excalibur crewmember, 'nuff sed! TSAO! Bonn -- "It's a matter of intelligence so your opinion is irrelevant." Q ar153@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bonnie Q Holmyard)