From mhv.net!news.sprintlink.net!holonet!colossus.holonet.net!shpbbs!k armin.stjean Sun Jul 9 16:49:51 1995 Path: mhv.net!news.sprintlink.net!holonet!colossus.holonet.net!shpbbs!k armin.stjean From: karmin.stjean@busilink.com (Karmin Stjean) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: "What's Q, Pussycat?" Date: Sat, 8 Jul 1995 02:27:00 GMT Message-ID: <9507072140195920@busilink.com> Organization: BusiLink Distribution: world Lines: 97 Data and Geordi were working in a Jeffries Tube near Main Engineering when they both heard a tiny "meow" from an adjacent tube. Going to investigate, they found a tiny half-starved kitten curled up in the tube. Data took the kitten to the nursery and had it examined. "Perhaps," the vet suggested, after giving it a clean bill of health, other than the malnourishment, "you should let your cat Spot nurse her. She will still have milk since she's only recently weaned her litter." Data agreed and took the tiny black kitten home with him. Spot took to the kitten instantly and began grooming the hapless orphan. "What should I name you?" Data thought, aloud. "Fluffball?" The kitten shook itself as if to ask "Are you out of your mind?!" "Kitty?" The kitten had a look of "oh, please?" on it's cute little face. It scampered up on the computer and tapped the 'Q' key. "Down, kitty." Data said, putting the kitty back on the floor and backing up the cursor. The kitten climbed back up and did exactly the same thing, tapping precisely the same key. This time, Data looked at it. "Q." He said. "Meow." Q replied. "You wish to be called Q." Data noted. "Very well. Q." "How is the new kitten?" Geordi asked, that afternoon, when Data was with him in Ten Forward. "Q is fine." Data replied. "You named your kitten Q?" Geordi asked. "Seems appropriate." observed Deanna, who was sitting with them. "Q is very mischievous just like a kitten." "That is true." Data agreed. "However, I named the kitten Q because it kept getting up on my computer and tapping that particular key." "May I see the kitten?" Deanna asked. "Of course." Data replied. Deanna walked into Data's cabin and sat down. Data brought the new kitten over to her and she held it. She gazed down at it for a moment, then looked up. "Data," she said, in an astonished voice, "this kitten IS Q!" Shortly afterward, Picard, notified that Q was on board, but not what form he was in, walked into Data's cabin. "Data," he said, not scolding Data since he guessed that Data merely assumed that Q had visitted Picard first, "where's Q?" Data pointed at the litter of kittens and said "The all black one." Picard blinked at the Android as if Data had gone quite mad. "A kitten?!" He yelped. "Yes, sir." Data replied. Picard went over to the litter and stared down at the black one. "Q," he said, in all seriousness, "I will NOT have you disrupting my crew. You are not to harrass anyone on my bridge. You will..." "Meow?" Q queried, tilting his head and perking up a tiny fur-covered ear. Riker walked in to ask Data a question and found the Captain doling out a list of commands and rules to a tiny kitten, who actually seemed to understand what Picard was saying. "Sir?" Riker asked. "I was just laying down the ground rules for Q, here." Picard replied. "And he concluded at Q, "no clawing the furniture." "Meow." Q replied. A few weeks later Q had gotten out of Data's cabin. She was wandering around the ship when she found herself facing another cat. A male. It sniffed her and she spun around, swiping at it and hissing at it, her fur bristling. She tried to bolt, but the male was stronger and swifter and it caught her beneath it. It mated with her as she hissed in protest. Finally, the male cat jumped off and leaped back, not quite fast enough to avoid an angry swipe from Q's paw. The male cat ran off and Q stood there, glaring in the direction it had run, hackles bristling, teeth bared, yowling and hissing at the feline rapist. Finally, Data found her and carried her home. She was shivering and meowing and Data could tell she'd been hurt. He took her to the vet for an examination and the vet told him what had happened. "So she was raped." Data concluded. "Animals do not view sex the way we do, Data." The vet explained. "The tom who mated with her was concerned only with his hormones not causing her physical or emotional distress." "I wonder if the female sees it that way." Data mused. "You may have a point." The vet admitted. "At any rate, she's going to have litter of kittens. Now, we can abort and spay her, however." Q raised her fur and spat at the vet. "I do not believe she wishes that." Data told the vet. "If you feel you can handle that many kittens, then I have no problems with her having a litter." The vet assured Data and Q. Q relaxed and groomed herself. She allowed Data to pick her up and take her back to his cabin. Never again did she wander off. The cat was curled up in a corner, several weeks later, when Q Two showed "You ready to come back to the Continuum?" He asked. Q looked up at him. "Meow." She replied. She stood up and trotted into the other room. A moment later she came out again, carrying a mewing kitten. She went into the other room again, and again re-emerged carrying a mewing kitten This went on for several minutes until Q had carried twelve kittens out of the other room. She licked each kitten's face and then looked up at Q Two. "You mated?!" Q Two yelped. "Q for time's sake!" He saw the look the mother cat was giving him and realized that she'd been raped. "Oh, Q." He said, picking her up and petting her. "I'm sorry."