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Elbow Room
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by Robin Lawrie
robinl@s054.aone.net.au
July, 1997
VOY, (PG), Q/Q/T/J

Death Wish, of course. I couldn't let this one pass without 
comment. Another two ideas are still churning away, and may 
surface as stories soon. Crikey, I love a Q episode!

Summary: What really happened when Janeway, Tuvok and 
the two Qs were stuck in the comet. 

Disclaimer:  Star Trek, Star Trek Voyager, and the characters 
in this story are the property of Paramount.
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"Oh dear, what can the matter be,
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory.
They were there from 
Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there.."

-a rhyme my Gran told me.

=======================================


'So whose stupid idea was this?'

'Mine I'm afraid Captain.'

'Vulcans!' Q and Quinn sighed.

Four humanoids were crammed into the small enclosure. A 
glazed, quartzite slab gave Janeway a lovely view of space. 

'Well there's no point having a jail that's easy to escape from, 
is there. Get comfy, people. We could be here some time.'

'Q! Can't you use your omnipotence and get us out of here?'

'Sorry, Kathy. Remember? This is a prison for a Q. It has to be 
immune to Q powers.'

'Relax, Captain. The first 50 years are always the hardest. 
Let's have a quick round of I spy. I spy with my little eye, 
something beginning with...C.'

'Comet.'

'Right! I spy with...'

************

'Stop poking me! I hope that's your elbow, Q'  Janeway 
fidgeted and squirmed. 'I hate this! What the hell is Chakotay 
doing? Why are we still here? Can't you at least make us 
some more room?'

'Twenty questions? Very well my dear, I can make us a little 
less cramped.'  Q snapped his fingers. Their clothes 
disappeared.

'Ah! That's better.'

Janeway's face purpled, and Tuvok braced himself for the 
eruption that was bound to follow. He wasn't disappointed.

'Better?! That's not better, that's perverse! Indecent! 
Embarrassing! As if the smell in here wasn't bad enough 
already! I want clothes and I want them NOW!'

'As you wish..' Q snapped his fingers again. 'Happy now?'

'Very fetching, Captain. What I can feel of it. Black suits you'

'Shut up, Quinn. Right about now even I'm wishing you dead.' 

Q had clothed Janeway. In lace and satin. Black and slippery. 
What there was of it.

'It's always worked for my other Captain. Though 
there's still that problem about where to pin the comm badge... 
Here perhaps..or here?'  Q pinched the bottom that pressed 
conveniently against his hand.

'Ouch!' said Tuvok.

'This can't be happening..' Janeway mumbled to herself, 
shaking her head. 'Where's that bloody Maquis?'

*************

'Frere Jacque, Frere Jacque, dormez-vous? dormez-
vous?..come on Kathy, join in! Apparently this is just the song 
to sing when one is in a jam.'

'..how about "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here 
I am, stuck in the middle with you". Any chance of you 
snapping up something to drink? A coffee would be nice.'

'Listen here, lovey, I'm not some kind of cosmic cappuccino 
machine. *Most* Starfleet Captains call on me to save a 
planet or two, or rescue their ship from rampant aliens. Oh 
No! Not Captain Kathy! She's got her priorities sorted. Get the 
caffeine intake right and all the rest will follow. Well, you know 
what you have to say..'

'Do I have to?'

'It's in the log..'

'Damn. "Q, I need you." There, was that sincere enough?'

'I didn't see a tear...Ooof!'  Q's smirk turned to an ugly 
grimace as he tried to double over in pain, cradling his 
bruised, and quite inconveniently human, genitals.

'Funny. I see lots of tears now. The coffee?'

'..erk. Quinn? Get the lady a coffee...argh..I'm ..busy... 
counting..'

*snap*

'Thank you Quinn.' 

Time passed. Janeway measured out her life with coffee 
spoons. Q argued with Q. And Tuvok began to fidget.

'Captain?'

'Yes Tuvok.'

'I suppose this would be a bad time to mention it.'

'What?'

'Well...maybe not so bad.'

'Tuvok, spit it out.'

'Ponn Far.'

'CHAKOTAY!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!'

*****************

Meanwhile, back on Voyager...

Chakotay stirred restlessly in his chair.

'Ensign Kim. Mr Paris. I'm concerned for the Captain and Mr 
Tuvok. I can't understand why Q hasn't returned them to the 
ship. Maybe the deliberations are at a crucial stage, so I'm 
reluctant to interrupt them by beaming them all back aboard. 
Mr Kim, I'd like you to attempt to scan the comet and get a 
picture for us. We need to know what's going on. '

'Yes, Commander.' Finally. They'd been gone a week now. 
Harry busied himself at the console.

'Tuning sensors in now, We should have a picture..' Harry's 
eyes blinked and he quickly hit record mode. Tom would love 
a copy of this.

'On screen.'

'..but, Ok. If you say so.' The viewscreen cleared to show a 
writhing mass of bare arms, legs, bottoms, black lace and an 
occasional flash of Q power. The bridge crew gaped in 
stunned silence until a bright red Chakotay cleared his throat.

'..ahem. I think we've seen enough, Ensign. Put the 
transmission through to the Captains ready room. I may be in 
there some time.'

Chakotay sprinted for the door. As it closed behind him, Tom 
burst out laughing.

'Get that, Harry?'

'You bet. I've never seen a Vulcan smile like that before..'

*************
*************