Hiya! I'd like to introduce everyone to my muses: Dreamchaser and Nightwolf. (Actually my muse just has a split personality... hey no fair! You promised you'd leave me alone until I could send this..... Arrg, Must resist crappy inspiration....) Yeah that's her names, she claims they have some real life references or something. Anyway on with the show. This is a silly fic, meant for entertainment purposes only. That means if the way I write the characters are off think of it as a... damn I just had the word...oh, yeah, characature. Whitewolf Kudos and a million, billion thanks to my beta reader: Jena. And a Huge gracias to Mearain. Disclaimer: I don't own whoever you reconize and if per chance you don't recognize something than it's *mine.* *** Onslaught II: the Return of Insanity By: Whitewolf Cautiously, Hank knocked on the door to Charles Xavier's study. It hissed open metallically, and Hank preened a little at how well the door he had put together yesterday worked. He looked inside and stopped dead. He knew the Professor had done some redecorating, but he hadn't expected anything so... drastic. Scott and Ororo sat at the black metallic table, facing the back of a huge, black, leather chair. A metallic whir turned the chair around, and Hank found himself facing the Professor. "Yes, Hank?" He stroked a bald cat gently, his gaze expectant. "I've finished the project, if you would like to see it?" The professor grinned and said, "Yes, bring him in." With his hand on the control of his rotating chair, he turned to Scott and Ororo. "Secretly, I have had Henry working on a project. I did not want any one else to know. It might give the whole plan away." Just then Henry approached; behind him a mini hover chair whirred. Inside a miniature Xavier grinned. "Behold," The professor's voice boomed in the silence, "Project Mini-me." Scott, who had thought nothing could be worse than having a bomb inside you, looked like he was going to faint. "Professor....?" "How many times must I tell you? It's Doctor!! At other schools the Professors are called Doctor! What in heavens name is so hard about calling me DOCTOR?" In his fury he dropped his cat. All three were taken aback by Xavier's anger. "Pro..... Doctor, calm yourself." In an attempt to divert his anger Ororo asked the first question which came to mind, "Earlier you were saying something about a *new* dream?" Visibly Xavier calmed himself. With a sigh he clasped his hands and rested his chin on the interlocking fingers. Grinning, Mini-me mimicked his every movement. Ororo found it discerning to see two Xavier's who looked exactly the same, even in sitting position, staring at her. "Ahhh, yes. I have invented something which I call a..." With his fingers he made quotation marks around his words, Mini-me repeating his movements. "'Laser-cannon.' We shall aim this 'Laser-cannon' at the White House and threaten to blow it and the rest of Washington up. In return for not blowing them up we shall demand," Dramatically he paused, placing his pinky at the corner of his mouth. "One trillion dollars." All three of the X-men in the room desperately wished they hadn't heard what they thought they had. Clearing his suddenly dry throat, Scott asked the inevitable, "What will the Trillion be used for?" Looking at him with obvious contempt Xavier said, "To take over the...... I mean to help Mutant Human peace, of course." "What exactly inspired this... new dream, Doctor?" Glaring, Xavier said, "Magneto has beat us at everything. But I will not allow him to beat me at taking over... I mean helping mutants." Scott frowned and said, "But he hasn't beaten us *that* many tim...." "Zip it, Scott." "I was...." "Want to see my new ZIP drive?" "Look...." "Want to taste my ZIPle?" "But he...." "Look at the ZIPlock bags." Finally Scott shut up, crossed his arms and glared. Eager to break the tension between teacher and student, McCoy said, "So the reason we've been getting all those large packages, complete with guards, is because of this new dream?" "Why am I surrounded by idiots?" Xavier asked rhetorically, "Of course, you moron!" Hiding his hurt reaction, Hank couldn't ignore his curiosity, "Who designed this laser cannon?" Grinning, Xavier proudly proclaimed, "I designed the 'Laser Cannon' myself." Dramatically he pressed a button, which displayed a 3-D image of the 'Laser Cannon.' "Hey, that looks *exactly* like the laser cannon from Star Wa..." Scott began, his demeanor changing to 'addicted fanboy.' Hank rushed to interrupt his ill-thought out statement, "There is nothing even close to it in any movie. It's an ingenious piece of work." He shot a warning glance at Scott, who had thankfully come out of 'Fanboy Land.' "Huh," Scott muttered, "I was *sure* there was one just like it..." He was interrupted by a shrill shriek from Ororo. Instantly she was out of her chair, sucking on the side of her forefinger. Her wide eyes stared in horror at Mini-me. In-between sucking on the blood gushing wound she said, "That...... Thing......BIT ME!" "Mini-me," Xavier advised, "We do not bite." Rising, Hank began to guide Ororo out. He announced, "I am going to go get this bandaged." To Ororo he whispered, "And I think you are going to need a tetanus shot." When the pair had left, Xavier looked at Scott. "Well, what do you think of my dream?" "Well, it's, ummm, interesting." Scott's eyes flew to the button which Mini-me was about to press, the one clearly labeled 'Scott.' "No, no, Mini-me. Scott is off limits." Scott let out the breath he had been holding. "You know Pro... *Doctor*, I think I'll go check on Ororo." Without waiting Scott quickly walked out of the room and almost ran into Bobby and Remy. "Cyke, dis be a good time to tell you we gay?" Scott ignored them as he raced quickly as he could to the only sane place in the entire mansion: the Medlab. After the trio checked for monitoring devices (somehow they couldn't put it past Xavier), Ororo sighed and buried her head in her arms. McCoy took of his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, murmuring something about "Onslaught and a pod person." Scott began methodically banging his head on the wall. All three were desperately glad to be away from the Profess.... *Doctor.* Looking up at the head pounder Ororo asked, "Scott, *exactly* how many times did you take Charles Xavier to see Austin Powers: the Spy who Shagged me?" === "Life *is* pain, princess. Anyone who says differently is selling something." --Westly from "The Princess Bride" _____________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Bid and sell for free at http://auctions.yahoo.com