-------------------------- eGroups Sponsor -------------------------~-~> eGroups eLerts It's Easy. It's Fun. Best of All, it's Free! http://click.egroups.com/1/9698/0/_/_/_/976662083/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------_-> Title: Holding On (epilogue to tempting fate and riders on the storm) Fandom: you should know that Pairing: Xavier/Magneto Disclaimer: No they aren't mine, and I'm sorry for placing such major angst on them. All characters belong to marvel. The song Do What You Have to Do belongs to Sarah McLachlan and all rights and monies there in. Okay , this is the last one. My computer made me do it, honest!!! Send feedback, Im starving guys =D Love and stuff Apocl158 It's been a year now, and I still cant believe that you're gone. There was a time when I believed that neither of us could live or die without the other. How would we live? With no one to fight, no one to blame past grievances on. There have been times in the past months when I wished that it were true. What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage How could you leave me? I know its an unfair question, but its one that I have to ask all the same. Not that I expect you to answer, that would prove that I have lost what little remains of my mind, but that question has been burning inside of me for too long. I know you Erik, nothing has ever defeated you, even death bowed down before your rage, so how could you go so quietly into that sleep? With nothing of the booming power that you wielded so carelessly in life, so deadly. I'm not angry, not really. I think you would have stayed if you had been given the chance. Too many deals with the devil I suppose, and it finally came time for him to collect. created you a monster broken by the rules of love Everything was done as you wished. I went through your things, which you had in a chilling order. But that was you, even while organizing your own funeral you had to be thorough and precise.. Your grave is in the Wundagor mountains, as you wished, but I choose the view. It looks out over a small lake that winds within the hills. In all honesty it shouldn't be here, something so tranquil in the midst of such raw nature. I thought you might like a kindred spirit to keep you company. and fate has lead you through it you do what you have to do and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do ... The funeral was small, as per your instructions. Pietro came, despite your warnings not to be angered if he didn't appear. Wanda did as well. I thought I would swallow my tongue when I saw Luna peering out from behind her father. She has your eyes you know, that bright steel blue that borders on frost, not her fathers deep blue. The beauty of the place fascinated her, her eyes locking onto everything, cataloguing it for future reference. I gave them the letters the day after you died, willing them to at least read them, to try to understand the man you were. I hope that they learned. and I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go Pietro came to talk to me a few weeks ago. That's another thing that has changed about me, time no longer really seems to matter if it has nothing to do with a deadline. He wanted to know about you, really know. Not just what you told him in the letter but everything. I tried to tell him, to cast you in both the lights you were constantly bathed in, to do justice to you. We talked for hours. every moment marked with apparitions of your soul I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire I can still feel you in the house. I know its fantastical, but its true. I never thought you would be the type of spirit to linger, and yes I do believe in them. For all we've seen its hard not to believe that something exists after we exhaust this mortal coil. You used to believe, in spirits, in fantasies. But age took those imaginations away from you. I was half asleep, and I felt the slightest brush of something against my hand. It wasn't the wind, for the windows were closed, but it was something. I could smell you, the sharp, spicy odor that you always exuded, and drove me insane with. the yearning to be near you I do what I have to do the yearning to be near you I do what I have to do but I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go Voigt has taken control of Genosha, as I believe you wanted. Under her guidance it is progressing, but the transition is painful. Its almost as if with you sheer presence you kept disaster at bay. Was that why you had to forge your own? Another unfair question, I'm full of them today aren't I? I don't know how to let you go My students are worried about me. For the most part they've never seen me vulnerable, and I tried extremely hard to keep it that way. Your death shook me in a way that I hadn't thought anything could since I was a boy. There are still so many things to say to you, but you already knew them all, didn't you? Somehow you always seemed to know what I was thinking. I hate to believe that I was as transparent as that, but you knew. I wish reading you had been as easy. Then this pain that lingers might dissipate. a glowing ember burning hot burning slow deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you What to do now? After all your years of leadership the violent mutant factions are fading away. In all honesty I should be grateful. Without your constant defiance they are loosing their momentum, as well as your support. Amelia made an announcement that the money you had been using to fund terrorist activities has been cut off. I wonder if it was her doing, or yours. I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do They had me on suicide watch for three weeks after you died. It would have been laughable if it hadn't been so close to home. I won't lie, the thought of following you was tempting. Almost too tempting. But suicide is a cowards way out, and I've been one for long enough. I can live without you in my life for what years I have left. Better to have loved and lost, my friend, as the saying goes. I wonder if whoever came up with that expression ever tried it for himself. I'm leaving now. The suns setting, casting the lake in liquid fire, beautiful against the graying towers of the mountains. I didn't bring flowers, because I know how that would irritate you, such an empty gesture. Besides, they wouldn't last for very long up here, would they? Instead I planted them. Irises. Once you told me they were your favorite flowers, and that my eyes reminded you of them. It is the least I can do, because I'm not coming back here. I can't. I mourned you for a year, Erik, and I can't continue like this. Its time for me to let you go, and the first thing I can do is stop staring at what was left of you. After that, its anyone's guess on how I can purge you of my system, and I don't think I want to. You were the best thing in my life, you know. In a real since you helped to make me the man that I am. In spite of the pain, the anger that flowed between us, there was love. Even when we were at our most violent, or most unforgiving. Moira wanted me to leave these with you. I don't know what they are, and she threatened me with death if I so much as lifted the wrapping. Odd for her to care, but she does. I don't know how well you knew her, but that woman could frighten the devil himself when she flies into one of her rages. You have to love a Scots temper. As I said, I'm leaving now, but I have one last thing to say to you, even though it may mean less than nothing where we stand now. I forgive you everything. I hope that you found it in your heart to forgive me. and I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: XavierMagnetoSlash-unsubscribe@egroups.com