Disclaimer: All characters, save the obvious ones, are copyright DC Comics.
This was written for Staff’s Challenge, and is sorta...tongue in cheek.
Enjoy!

E-mail: MetalliBats@prodigy.net.

Archive: Yeah, tell me where.


Decorating Tips from Hell.
By Battman



“So, this is Hell? The walls need paint.”

Julian Molachules, former saint and current gatekeeper of Hell, 
turned his head to regard the speaker. “Excuse me?”

“The walls. They’re bland. They need some...vibrance.”

Shaking his head, Molachules ran his pen down the ledger of names.
He didn’t even have to ask this one who he was...it was pretty 
common knowledge down here.

“Mr. Joker? We’ve got an Eternity Suite prepared for you in the Ninth
Circle. If you’ll follow the demon, please?”

The Joker turned, and regarded the three-foot tall red demon, a look
of doubt in his eyes.  “I don’t think he could handle all my luggage.”

Molachules looked a bit taken aback. 
“Luggage? Uhhh...I don’t believe you’ll need that here.”

“Why not? It’s a suite isn’t it? If I’m going there for eternity, I’d
better
be able to bring my suits. Imagine wearing the same thing for centuries. 
I’d be the laughingstock of the Lake of Fire!”

Molachules shook his head, as the little demon stood next to the receiving
desk.
“In any case, just sign your name here.”

The Joker stepped forward, and cast his eyes about.
“Where’s the pen?”
“The pen?”
“Yes, the pen! The inky stick thingy you sign stuff with.”
“Uhmm...you sign with blood.”
“Blood? Now, that’s rather medieval.” The Joker stepped back.
“But..it’s required.”
“No, no...call your supervisor.”
“My super-- but, that’s.....Satan.”
“Oooh..the Big Kahuna! Well, give him a ring!”
Molachules simply shook his head again as he picked up a phone made from a 
human foot.
“Mola for the boss. We’ve got a...rather big client here who wants to meet
him.”
Molachules nodded, then hung the phone..or foot...up.
“He’ll be here momentarily.”

The Joker hrmphed, then leaned against the wall, foot tapping as he looked 
at his watch. Finally, the door behind Molachules swung open, and a 
massive red figure, horns bedecking his head stepped out.
“Who’s here to...ahh, Mr. Joker. We’ve been expecting you.”
The Joker just smiled as he stepped up.
“Wow, Beezie-baby, I’m impressed. Fallen angle makes good, eh? 
Wait’ll those winged freaks on Cloud Seven see this!”
The Lord of Hell, General of the Army of Darkness, Liege of Hades, and all
that jazz, looked at he Joker.
“What...did you just call me?”
“Beezie-baby, I gotta say, the deco here needs some work. Who’d you hire?
If I were you, I’d fire him.” The Joker giggled. “Fire them, Hell. I slay
me.”
The Devil sighed, and stood, imperiously regarding the Joker. 
“Do you have any REAL reason to speak with me? I am quite busy, you know.
Constantly undermining the faith of the sheep and all that.”
The Joker nodded then boosted himself onto the desk, startling a rather
flustered
Molachules.
“The way I see it, Beezie-baby, you owe me. I mean, let’s face it, of all
the people 
you’ve got in this place, you’d have to say I’ve contributed the most in
entertainment
value. “
The Devil looked confused.
“I mean, sure, Hitler, Stalin, Nixon, they all may he sent more people to 
the infernal regions. But for pure, side-splitting laughs, for family
approved
homicidal masterpieces, who can top the J-Man?”
The Devil growled, and turned around.
“Mola, get Mr. Joker here to his suite...”
Molachules hastily stood and began to walk around, summoning six demons to
aid
him. As they took ahold of the Joker, and began to pull him down, he
shouted
to the departing Devil
“At LEAST get a floral pattern for the bathrooms!”


The End