Disclaimer: Standard stuff. 
Additional: this is meant to be both nearly plaguristic and silly. Bits 
have been taken from many places, only a few of which are marvel.
Bonus points to whoever can guess ten of them, other than marvel.
Text in [ ] brackets is stage direction.
------
THE X-MEN: A PLAY BY THE OTHER PROCRASTINATOR'S AID.

[a stage in a crowded theatre. the orchestra plays elevator music while 
the actor's prepare. As the audience gets ready, the performers are 
backstage. The curtain rises, because otherwise you coldnt see the play. 
Alex Summers walks on stage, grumbling.]
Havok: Alas poor Yorick, I knew him... Hey!! This isn't Hamlet! 
[He walks back towards the exit-stage where he is promtly knocked 
unconcious. Cyclops, Pheonix [Jean, the new one], Magneto, Professor 
Xavier and some others come on stage.]
-Xavier: My X-Men, this is the moment for which you have prepared all 
your lives. You will be stars, unless something goes wrong, and I shall 
have the money I need for a descent toupee!
-Magneto: Xavier, you are an idealistic fool. No one will think that a 
toupee is real hair, and not even your majestic mental might shall sway 
them. Only I, Magneto, have the power to do something of that magnitude. 
-Xavier: Oh hush up Erik.
-Magneto: Don't call me Erik. You know that isnt my real name.
[Cyclops shoots Magneto with an oprtic blast.]
-Magneto: What the ****** was that for!?
-Cyclops: Just moving the plot along, Erik.
-Magneto: Don't call me Erik!
[Enter Mr Sinister]
-Sinister: HAHAHA! I have manipulated you for my own ends yet again! Now 
I shall control the summer's bloodline!
[Xavier looks at Magneto. Magneto Looks at Xavier. Both nod. Half the 
characters ever to have a starring role in an X-Book come on stage. 
Sinister looks around,]
-Sinister: Oh Shi-*
[and is reduced to his coponent molocules by a splash panel that would 
outsell Marvel and DC combined.]
-Pheonix: Um, does anyone acctually remember the rest of the script?
[Glances of stark incomprehesion (now 19.95 from Stark-Fujiwaka) are 
exchanged. David haller appears in a puff of smoke.]
-Legion: AHA! Now is my chance to change reality to what it should be! 
Everybody hold still. When this is over, we might be able to salvage a 
plot. 
[all characters charge legion.]
-Beast:Urk
-Bishop: Ow
-Cyclops: aaaarrrggghhhh
-Longshot: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA[TM]
-Havok:*zzzzzzzzzzz*
[All other characters are severly trounced, exept for legion who got a 
bruise and Bob The Jolly Parrott who I just made up and isnt here]
-Legion:You are too late! Reality shall now be changed to suit my needs. 
A one, and a two, an...
[a large purple foot monty-pythons it's way onstage, much to the regret 
of one David Haller. Glacatus, with only part of his foot visible 
onstage, is reading his lines from a copy of EXcalibur 14.]
-Galactus:Of all the worlds, in all the infinite dimensions, this 
representation pf Sol's third planet has grown too silly to be allowed 
to exist. It violates causality.
[The audience applauds heavily, until they realise what that means. 
there is a horrible ghastly Silence. There is a horribly ghastly noise. 
There is a horrible ghsatly silence. From out of the rubble climb 
Professor X and Magneto.]
Xavier:Well, Erik, that could have gone better. 
Magneto: DON'T CALLL ME ERIK!

And so the curtain falls, much to the a joy of the reader, because that 
means this is 

THE END.

Comments and insults are welcomed, unless they are to say that the 
previous was stupid. This was supposed to be stupid. 


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