This is an alternate story based on "Only Human" by Alara Rogers
(aleph@netcom.com), although it isn't in her continuity.  I got
sufficiently obsessed by the story "Only Human" that I wrote an
alternate set in this universe.  Alara's permission has been
secured for this.

And this is it.  The end.  The real end of PropinQuity, after
eight months of steady writing.  I want to thank Alara for her
encouragement and support, without which none of this would ever
have gone any further than chapter one.  It's been a grand
adventure, and I hope everyone who's still with me this far has
had as good a time reading it as I did writing it.

All chapters of PropinQuity are available by FTP at
ftp.europa.com, in the directory /outgoing/mercutio/PropinQuity/. 
The index is also available by FTP at ftp.europa.com, as
/outgoing/mercutio/IndexToPropinQuity.txt.  They can also be
downloaded through the WWW.  The WWW address is: 
http://www.europa.com/~mercutio/PropinQuity.html.


PropinQuity by Mercutio (mercutio@europa.com); based on "Only
Human" by Alara Rogers


"I wasn't ill and I don't have the faintest idea what you're
talking about," Q said.  He was alone in his quarters with Harry
Roth, who simply would *not* leave the subject of Q's recent
illness alone, no matter how much Q assured him that he was not
only all right, but completely incognizant of any problem with
him serious enough to warrant worry.

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment.  "That's not what Naomi
said."

"And you believed her?"

"You don't?"

Q looked vaguely contemptuous of Harry.  "I never get ill, and
even if I were ill, I would never do any of the outrageous things
that she claims I did."

"Like what?" Harry asked, interested.

That was harder to answer, and Q felt embarrassed now that he'd
made the mistake of mentioning that.  "I would *never* consider
getting engaged to the replicator."

Harry's face was stunned, but he recovered quickly.  Obviously Q
was making some sort of joke, even if Harry didn't get it.  "Of
course not.  To one of your shirts, maybe.  But the replicator? 
I just can't see it."

Q didn't know whether to take that as humor or toss Harry out
right now.  Perhaps both.  "We simply come from different worlds. 
It could never work."

Harry laughed.  "You realize of course that your recovery means
you're going to have to go back to work."

"Work?  Can you call it that when all you actually do is stand
around and talk all day?"

Harry pretended to consider the matter.  "I think so, yes.  Nice
racket, eh?"

"Do keep me informed on your quest to find a life," Q said,
leaning back against the arm of the couch.  "And don't slam the
door on your way out."

Harry recognized that as a dismissal, but felt only slightly
irked by it.  He'd had enough experience with Q to not let his
ego get too terribly entangled in any encounter with Q.  Q always
won.  "Fine," he said, standing up.  "I'll see you in the lab
later then?"

"Yes, yes, whatever," Q said, waving his hand in the air, but not
actually looking at Harry.

"So nice to feel wanted," Harry murmured, not feeling
particularly hurt at all.  If his feelings got wounded, he could
always go find Josh.  Josh was very good for his ego and for the
rest of him as well.  Harry didn't think he belonged in that kind
of relationship, but he couldn't seem to help himself.  It felt
too good to be loved and taken care of.

Harry left, and Q didn't move, staring at his crossed ankles.  He
didn't want to get up and go do something, but there wasn't much
to do here either.  Not until Naomi got back with Ariadne.  Then
he could whine and complain to his heart's content about being
bored.  That should be sufficiently entertaining to get him
through the afternoon.

There was a shimmer of light in the room, as another Q appeared
in Q and Naomi's quarters.  The bright flash caught Q's
attention.  Q2 appeared seated on the opposite end of the couch,
precariously perched on the arm of it, dressed identically to Q
in a red velvet lounging robe that did nothing for his
complexion.

Q's eyes lit up when he saw Q2, despite the fashion disaster that
color was on him.  It had been almost three years since Q had
last seen him, and another seven before Q expected to see him at
all.  "And what might such a disreputable person as yourself be
doing in this neighborhood?" Q asked as casually as he could
manage.

"Oh, I just thought I'd drop in to see an old friend of mine," Q2
said, as if this were just a visit, as if they were simply taking
back up the thread of a conversation that had been let fall
moments before.

"Friend?  You toss that word around very casually.  Do you even
know what the word means?" Q said, pretending to be rather bored
with the whole idea of Q2 being there, which was untrue.  But the
other Q knew that, couldn't help knowing that, given how he could
read everything in Q's mind.

Q2's eyes were twinkling.  "I think I'll probably be your best
friend for life after this.  I'm anticipating cards on my
birthday, and perhaps even a few asteroid belts named in my
honor."

Q felt a dawning hope, and squashed it completely.  He remembered
dreaming about this scene, dreaming about it many times, and
sometimes he got his powers back, but more frequently, Q2 showed
up in them only to mock him and to taunt him with what he could
never have.  "Trying to sell me some life insurance?  Haven't you
heard my life's not worth anything?  I'm not interested."

"Are you interested in getting your powers back?"

That was it.  Q's heart leapt inside his chest, and he abandoned
the pose of disinterest, unable to hold onto it, despite how he
needed it to protect himself.  "What about all that nonsense of
ten years and all that?"

Q2 shrugged elaborately, then windmilled to keep his balance on
the couch as the movement threatened to send him off of it. 
After a second, he decided that the better part of valor was
being a god, and resumed his position -- only this time
levitating in the air an inch above where he'd been sitting
before so he wouldn't be made to look silly by actually falling
and hitting the floor.

"The Continuum feels you've improved enough that you won't abuse
your powers anymore.  Actually, in fact, they *said* you could
have them back a while ago, but you were having so much fun that
I didn't want to interfere and spoil it for you."

"Fun?!" Q asked outraged.  "You call this *fun*?!"

"Yes."  Q2 snapped his fingers.  "There.  You got your powers
back."

Q *felt* the difference between what he was before and what he
was now, with his powers.  He *knew* then what Q2 was thinking,
the layers of amusement covering over something that could
actually have passed for caring, and launched after him in an
attempt to vent some of the frustration he felt.

"This is going to count against you, you know!" Q2 said as he
threw himself through the wall to get away from Q.

"No one would hold it against me!" Q said, giving chase.

Behind them, the room went still.  If not for the automatic
systems, the surfaces would have begun gathering dust.  But it
remained just as Q had left it, and would remain that way, a
mystery for Naomi to find.

****

When Q went missing from their quarters, Naomi didn't realize
anything was wrong for some time.  It was almost four hours
before she thought to query the computer on the subject.  And
only then did she discover that Q was not aboard the Enterprise. 
It was another two days -- accompanied by a full room-to-room
search and scan of the surrounding space -- before she believed
it.

"Where could he be?" Naomi asked Harry, who was sitting on the
couch next to her.  Josh was on the other side of the room,
playing with Ariadne, who seemed momentarily distracted by this
new toy.

"I don't know, Naomi," Harry said.  "You don't have to assume the
worst, though."

Naomi looked hopeful for a moment, then heartsick again.  "The
only *good* explanation I can think of for him being gone so
suddenly, with no trace, is that he got his powers back."

"Exactly!" Harry said, relieved to have an innocuous explanation
for matters.

"But if that were true," Naomi continued inexorably.  "Then there
would be no reason at all why he couldn't leave a message. 
Assuming he cared at all, he'd have to know I'd assume he was
dead if he didn't leave one, and he *would* have."

"Well..." Harry said awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

"So it seems more likely that he's dead, or kidnapped again by
some unknown force who crept up on the Enterprise, and took him
stealthily away.  But that can't be true either, because they
didn't find traces of any sort of ship."

Harry cleared his throat, hating to be the one to tell her, but
not wanting Naomi to get false hopes either.  "Well, there *are*
nearly undetectable subspace transporters that *could* be used by
a ship out of range of the Enterprise's sensors.  They're not as
reliable, so we don't use them, but that's not to say that it
couldn't be done that way.  Something like that would only have
been noticed if the Enterprise had been deliberately scanning for
it, which they wouldn't have been."

Naomi looked at Harry gravely for a long moment, then broke into
tears.  Josh shot Harry an accusing look, and Harry shrugged
sheepishly.

He put an arm around Naomi, and she clung to him, crying harder. 
"It's all right," Harry said awkwardly.  "I'm sure that's not
true.  There's some perfectly understandable explanation why Q
left and he'll be back.  You'll see."

"Don't... lie to me," Naomi said through her tears.  "He's dead. 
What else is there?"

Harry thought about it for a moment but didn't say anything.  If
Naomi weren't thinking about fates worse than death, he wasn't
going to tell her.  He'd already stuck his foot in his mouth
once, and there wasn't room for the other one.

Harry and Josh stayed a long time with her, long enough that
Naomi had stopped crying, resumed pretending to be cheerful, and
actually threatened to feed them.

But in the end, they left, and Naomi was alone with her thoughts
and Ariadne.

"Dada?" Ariadne asked.  She'd been repeating that ever since Q
had disappeared, looking puzzled as to why he didn't show up on
demand.

Naomi looked at her for a moment.  She couldn't put this off any
longer.  She picked the girl up and settled Ari on her lap.

"Your father had to go away," Naomi explained gently to Ariadne. 
"But he's in a better place now, and he'll be happy there."

"Dada come back?" Ariadne asked, having grasped about half of
that.

"I don't know," Naomi said.  "I don't think so."

"Dada!" Ariadne said loudly, then began to wail.

Naomi hugged her close, and rocked her, but it did no good. 
Ariadne was inconsolable over the loss of her beloved Dada. 
Naomi wasn't sure whether Ariadne was just upset because he
wouldn't come or because she really understood that Q was most
likely never coming back.

But at least Ariadne would eventually forget about Q.  Naomi
would not.  And not knowing what had happened, was happening to
him, was the worst.  She couldn't properly grieve without knowing
whether he was truly dead, and she couldn't quite believe that
there was any way he could still be alive.  Her mind shied away
from the notion of him being alive but tortured.  She *knew* it
could happen, had been involved more than once in similar
situations with Q, but she didn't want to think about that. 
There was nothing she could do, and thinking about him alive but
in terrible pain and misery only made her that much more unhappy.

****

Naomi was sitting on the floor of her quarters, aimlessly
scanning through various reports on her padd.  There was supposed
to be a purpose to it, to locate something which might be a clue
to what had happened to Q, but she hadn't seen anything and
didn't know what she was looking for anyway.

The door chimed, and without even thinking about it, Naomi said
listlessly, "Come in."

Picard entered, stepping into the room and stopping just inside
the door.

"Captain," Naomi acknowledged, not moving from her position. 
"What can I do for you?  Come to evict me for uselessly taking up
space on your ship?"

"I had no intention of doing that," Picard said stiffly, the
awkwardness of the moment made even more awkward by her
unwarranted accusation.

Naomi sighed and inclined her head slightly.  She didn't really
feel like having visitors at the moment, or ever, and Picard's
presence only made her that much more aware of how she *should*
be getting on with her life, instead of sitting here, grieving. 
Fortunately so far, Counsellor's Troi's visits had been
mercifully short.  "Won't you have a seat then?"

Picard nodded and sat down on the couch opposite her, sitting
forward on the edge of it, hands clasped together.

When it became obvious that Naomi wasn't going to say anything,
the captain spoke.  "I wanted to extend my condolences over Q's
disappearance."

Naomi's throat tightened.  This was it then.  The formal visit to
the grieving widow, the official acknowledgement that, as far as
Starfleet was concerned, Q was dead.  "Thank you," she said,
trying very hard not to cry.  "I'm sure you're very sorry he's
gone."

Picard looked at the small figure sitting hunched over herself on
the floor opposite to him and felt helpless to do anything.  He
didn't know why he felt that way, although any sort of emotional
moment like this didn't come particularly easily to him.  "I was
never particularly fond of Q, but his contributions will be
missed, and I *had* come to respect him for that.  And it was
obvious that you cared about each other, so for your sake, I *am*
sorry."

That did it, and Naomi huddled in closer to herself, trying to
hide her tears.  There was nothing to be ashamed about with
crying, except that every time she did it in front of other
people, Counsellor Troi showed up immediately thereafter, and
Naomi was not particularly in the mood for professionally
extended sympathy now or ever.

When she came back to herself, she found Picard seated next to
her now, patting her shoulder awkwardly and holding a
handkerchief.  Naomi took it from him without comment, wiped her
eyes and blew her nose.

"I truly am sorry, Dr. Allen..."

"I'll be all right," Naomi said, not quite looking at him.  "I
suppose... I suppose I'll have to get used to it."

Picard nodded, a silent affirmation.  He sat there for a moment,
staring at the abstract painting on the wall, then said suddenly,
"When my nephew died... I couldn't believe it had happened and
then when I could, it was..." He couldn't find the words.  It had
been a while ago now, and even still, thinking about it and how
he felt about it, brought back memories he didn't want to dwell
on.

"Wrong?  Shocking?  Something that should never have happened
even though everyone told me being around him lowered my life
expectancy too?" Naomi said bitterly, eyes fixed on her hands. 
"It was all of those things."

"Yes, it was.  But..." he hesitated for a moment, then said it
anyway, "death is a part of life."

Naomi's hands clenched.  "Spare me the platitudes.  I've heard
them several times already and they don't do me any good."

Picard sat there in silence with her for a few more long moments,
then stood up.  "I... must be going.  I am sorry about your loss,
and for your sake, hope that nothing *has* happened to him."

He turned to go, and Naomi looked up for the first time. 
"Captain?  I... I'd like to remain here, on the Enterprise, I
mean.  I know, with Q gone, you don't have much use for me but
I... don't want to leave."

Picard looked at her, then said in a very quiet voice, "I'm sure
something can be arranged."

After he left, she cried some more.  Q was dead to Starfleet. 
Why couldn't he be dead to her, too?  Why couldn't she get over
this?  Why did it feel like she'd lost part of herself, like
disaster had struck her and only her, leaving her on an island of
pain, while everyone else went busily about their lives,
unaffected by the tragedy that had shattered hers?  The world had
come to an end, and she was the only one who noticed.

****

After Picard's visit, it was obvious that they were not going to
find Q and that the Enterprise was not going to look any longer. 
Naomi was only surprised that he had not been immediately been
declared dead, given that Starfleet apparently believed him to be
so.  Naomi asked for, and received, permission to stay aboard the
Enterprise in their programming department, rather than just
being a useless passenger, even if Picard would have allowed
that.  She needed to do *something* to occupy her time, and she
couldn't leave the Enterprise.  She didn't know why, but she felt
that if he ever reappeared at all, it would be here.  And
somehow, she couldn't leave.  Not when there was still a chance.

She sent Sanaharrar away; there was no need for her now.  The
feline bodyguard was almost as distraught as Naomi.  She had
given Q emotional support on a number of occasions, and was not
completely detached from her charge.  And Sanaharrar felt guilty
about having let this happen, even more guilty than she had felt
over not having picked out Thomas Riker as a Maqui sympathizer. 
But Naomi didn't need her anymore, and Sanaharrar had finally
agreed to go.

The time passed slowly, and Naomi absorbed herself in her work
and in Ariadne.  She had to get on with her life.  Her natural
inclination was to return to the state of near complete
absorption in her work that she had been in before she met Q,
and, under the circumstances, it was the best way she knew of
dealing with her grief and her inability to accept his
disappearance as final.

****

Naomi was sitting at her desk in her quarters, wrestling with a
particularly knotty problem when she suddenly felt a kiss on the
back of her neck.  Or what felt like a kiss anyway.  It couldn't
be that, of course, because there was no one else in the room to
deliver that.  Ariadne was in daycare, and without anyone to do
it...

She turned around slowly.  Q was standing there, a wide smile on
his face.  He looked perfectly well and happy.  He was wearing a
captain's uniform, and looking more fit and puckish than she had
ever seen him.  She only needed that quick impression to tell her
that he had his powers back and that there was nothing wrong with
him at all, that none of the nightmarish possibilities she had
feared were true, that all the sleepless nights she had spent in
the last three months had been wasted.

So she stood up and hit him.

Q staggered back a pace, then looked at her accusingly, without
any sign of being frightened of her or even actually physically
hurt.  "What did you do that for?"

"You've been gone for almost three months!"

"Oh."  Q looked sheepish.  "I lost track of time.  Quite easy to
do when you're omnipotent, you know."

Naomi felt a wide smile growing on her face, despite the fact
that she was still angry with him for having forgotten to so much
as leave a message to that effect.  The relief and happiness were
just too strong.  "Where have you *been* all this time?"

"I took a victory lap around the universe.  It's a very big
place, you know.  I can't be expected to know what century you
think it is, after all."

"I'll get you a watch.  Besides, if you're omnipotent now, why
didn't you just come back right after you'd left?  You *can* do
that, can't you?"  

Q looked at her, a little stunned, as if the idea hadn't quite
occurred to him.  "Oh.  Well..."

Naomi looked at him fondly, unable to truly be angry with him now
that he was back, no matter how much she might want to be.  "I
thought you might be dead, you know.  You *could* have left a
note."

"Would you get off of this subject?" Q said petulantly, then
switched subjects.  "Now, are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"To come with me, of course."

"Don't I get a choice?"

"A choice?"  Q looked mildly bewildered.  "You've always sworn
you wanted to be with me.  Got down on your hands and knees as a
matter of fact.  And now that it's as easy to read your mind as
it is for you to read a printed page, I *know* you want to."

Naomi flushed.  "Well, if you know that, then you know I'm not
going to, and why."

Q stared at her for a long moment, then threw up his arms in
disgust.  "I can't believe you care more about that drooling
thing than you do about me."

"She hasn't drooled in quite a while, and you know it.  And I
don't care more about her than I do you, I just think I have a
responsibility to her."

Let someone else raise her," Q said, shrugging carelessly.  "You
can come back for her when she's old enough."

"What?" Naomi was outraged.

Q ignored her anger.  "You could have everything, you know.  I
could even make you part of the Continuum.  Wouldn't you like
that?  To be omnipotent, to have everything, all the powers of a
god?"

"Sounds intriguing, but no."

"No?  Don't tell me you've suddenly developed ethics."

"I don't know what ethics are and I don't care."  It was Naomi's
turn to shrug.  "I want to raise Ariadne.  Anything and
everything else is going to have to wait until I get done with
that.  Unless you're going to try to tell me that she's part of
this."

Q's posture betrayed the answer to that, and Naomi felt like
she'd been struck.  "I thought you liked Ariadne."

He stared at her, giving few of the hints that Naomi was used to
using to divine his feelings and thoughts.  "That's irrelevant. 
And no, she can't come."

"Fine.  Then I can't come either."

"Why not?" Q asked, still pressing the issue.  "Give her to
Queria or your mother or someone.  Surely this isn't that
important to you."

"It's even more important than that," Naomi said quietly.  "I'm
staying.  You can't change my mind."

He looked at her, apparently weighing the issue, then changed
tactics, suddenly looking vulnerable and very much in need of
comfort.  "But I *want* you to come with me."

"And *I* want you to stay," Naomi said.  "Are you going to do
that?"

Q abandoned the pretense, frustrated with her.  "You can't
honestly expect me to give up my powers.  Not after all I had to
do to get them back."

"Not at all," Naomi said, rushing to reassure him on that issue. 
"I would never ask you to do that.  I just want you to stay."

"I can't do that," Q said.  "I have other things I have to do. 
As long as I keep my powers -- and I *am* keeping them -- I have
to leave."  He looked sheepish again for a moment.  "I've
forgotten a lot about what it means to be a Q."

"Well, then, I guess you'll just have to come back after
Ariadne's all grown up then.  *If* you can remember to come back
before I'm actually long dead."  Unstated was the assumption that
he would still have to care about her.

"I'll leave myself a note."

Naomi grinned at him, reassured by that little statement that
he'd even want to come back.  "Ari will miss you."

A brief flash of something she couldn't identify moved across Q's
face and was gone.  "And she is *not* my daughter."

"She is legally," Naomi said, starting the old argument.

"Not anymore," Q said triumphantly, happy to finally be winning
this particular battle.  "The Federation's petty little rules
don't apply to omnipotent beings.  As far as they're concerned, Q
is dead."

Naomi made a face at him.  "How convenient."

"Isn't it though?" Q asked, preening.

Naomi stood there looking at him for a long moment, not knowing
what to say or do.  She had to say goodbye to him, had to let him
go.  He was part of the Continuum now, not part of her world at
all, and she couldn't hold him here.  She knew how much it meant
to him to get his powers back and she couldn't keep that away
from him, wouldn't, no matter how much it hurt her.  Her liaison
with him had always been temporary, she knew that, had always
known that, but it didn't help.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then," Naomi said awkwardly,
wishing that it didn't have to be like this, wishing that she
could hold him, could do anything at all other than stand right
here, frozen in place while Q vanished from her life.

"That's it?" Q asked.  "'Hello, Q.  I want to hit you, Q.  No, I
can't devote my entire life to you because I'd rather spend 15
years with someone with a hundredth of your intelligence. 
Goodbye, Q'.  That's it?"

Naomi grinned, feeling reassured that at least this was still the
Q she knew, despite all the changes.  "I suppose you could add a
line about 'Have dinner with me, Q.  Go to bed with me, Q.  Don't
leave me, Q.' if you wanted."

"Why would I ever want something like that?"  He stared at her
for a moment, a peevish expression on his face.  "Sex and food
*are* the only thing on your mind."

"Are not."

"Yes, they are.  I can read your mind now, and I state
conclusively and categorically that those are the only subjects
in your head."

"Well, it's *my* head, and as its sole owner and proprietor, I
say that there's other thoughts in there occasionally as well."

"An unfounded, scurrilous rumor."

Naomi looked fondly at him.  "You know, I have this horrible
impulse to throw myself at your feet and beg you not to leave."

"Come with me then," Q said.  He looked at Naomi, and his face
softened for a moment.  "It wouldn't be bad for you.  I promise
you'd be happy.  I'm very grateful for what you've done for me."

"Grateful?" Naomi asked quizzically.  "So none of this is because
you just can't bear the thought of me not being around?  You
don't miss me at all, you're just grateful?"

Q sighed deeply and melodramatically.  "This isn't going to be
one of those conversations where the word 'love' keeps popping up
every ten seconds, is it?"

"You said it, not me."

"As a caveat, nothing more."

Naomi looked at him and didn't say anything, just drank in the
sight of him.  Suddenly she couldn't stand it anymore.  They
seemed to be pretending that now that he had his powers back he
was a different person, and maybe that was true, but she just
couldn't bear it.  She needed him, needed to touch him, and even
if he didn't need her any longer, hardly even appeared to want
her, she wanted him.

She stepped close to him and put her arms around him, holding him
close.  After a moment, Naomi felt his arms close around her, and
then she was being held very tightly, almost too tightly.

From that sheltered spot against his chest, Naomi spoke again,
almost too softly to be heard.  "I just want you to be happy. 
Even if it *is* going to make me miserable, it'll be worth it if
you were happy."

And then he finally admitted it.  "Do you think this is making me
happy?  Did you think I lost my powers in the first place because
I was *happy*?"

Naomi looked up at him, raising her head off of his chest, but
not making any move to break free of him.  "Were you about to
confess that you care about me?  Because I'd like to record it if
you are."

"I'd only wipe the recording," Q said.  When he spoke again, his
voice was slightly hoarse.  "I won't leave you entirely, you
know.  You're too much of a vulnerability to leave unattended. 
What if I were to go off and come back and find out you'd had an
accident with a replicator and accidentally turned yourself into
a pastry?"

"Well, I can't help it if it happens to be jealous," Naomi said
with a straight face.  "Jilted lovers do things like that, you
know."

He frowned at her.  "I never said anything about loving a
replicator, and even if I did, you can't prove it."

"Who needs proof?"  She rested her forehead against his chest,
wanting to pretend for a moment that he was real, that he was a
man she could draw comfort from, and not some other creature, a
god who would leave her for places and parts unknown and not ever
come back.  "I love you, you know."

And then his hand was on her face, cupping her chin and drawing
her face up to him so he could kiss her.  His lips were firm and
warm on hers, the seeking heat of his mouth invading the coldness
inside her soul, everything she needed after being apart from
him, after thinking she'd never see him again. 

"If you need me, I'll be here," he said finally, with no
explanation for why he'd kissed her or why he'd stopped.

Naomi looked up at him, "Well, then I guess I'll be seeing a lot
of you."

Q didn't say anything at all, just kissed her again, then faded
slowly and silently away. 


-the end-


"He has out-soared the shadow of our night;
Envy and calumny and hate and pain,
And that unrest which men miscall delight,
Can touch him not and torture not again;
From the contagion of the world's slow stain
He is secure, and now can never mourn
A heart grown cold, a head grown grey in vain."

from "Adonais", by Percy Bysshe Shelley