Aite Chp. 9 As always, the first thing she noticed as she rose toward consciousness was that she was female. Half-asleep still, she inventoried her body and determined that she'd been through the Change, because she was weak and achy and female while she dimly recalled being male last time she'd checked. It was only after determining her current sex that it occurred to her how unusual it was that she'd woken at all. She came fully awake. Sometimes the Change blurred the awareness of what came before it, the only mercy it granted her. But not this time. With almost supernatural clarity, she remembered the moment when he'd plunged the blade into his throat, when he'd fallen into darkness expecting never to return. Yet now she was alive. And now? She was lying in a hospital bed, wearing nothing but a hospital gown, an IV, a bandage around her throat, and restraints. The IV was taped into her arm. The bandage around her throat was tight enough that it was hard to swallow, and it had obviously not been replaced during the Change, as it stank foully. The restraints were mere elastic straps around upper arms, wrists, ankles and the area just above her kneecaps. They should have been simple to escape from, and would have been-- but her body was weak and sick and wouldn't respond more than feebly. She'd Changed twice in a month. Normally her refractory period, the minimum she could go between Changes without hurting herself, was three months. With proper food and care, she had successfully managed as little as two weeks, in the past-- but that had not been after the drain of pregnancy, the devastation of a Change prolonged too long, and an attempted suicide. She was barely alive. Galactor-- and she knew it had to be Galactor that held her, since ISO would not have strapped her down and *would* have changed the bandages-- must have taken heroic measures to save her. Just so that they could make her pay Sosai's price. *No one escapes that easily. Oh, God, no-- how could I have been so stupid? Why did I defy Sosai? Why did I think for a second I could get away with it?* It was so obvious to Katse now, what she should have done. Kill the woman! All that nonsense he'd been thinking about backsliding had been irrelevant-- survival was the only relevant consideration. He should have obeyed Sosai from the start, made up lies-- or no, not even that. The Science Ninja Team would have expected betrayal anyway, and what had they done for her to make them worth dying for? She'd changed her mind. What he'd suffered for, what he'd tried to kill himself for, no longer made sense to her. Avoiding pain was the only thing that mattered. She had to see Sosai. She'd tell him everything, fall on his mercy and beg forgiveness. When Gel Sadra entered the room, trailed by a coterie of men, it seemed that she had come in response to Katse's decision. "I've changed my mind," Katse said. "Let me see Sosai. I'll tell him everything." Gel Sadra smiled. "It's a little too late for that." Katse tried to sit up, and was blocked by the restraints. "What do you mean? Let me see him, I'll do what he says, I--" "Silly fool," Gel Sadra said, "Sosai's already given up on you. He gave you to *me*. And *I* don't want you to go crawling back to him, because he'll give you my position, and I can't have that. You understand?" She laughed. "Most certainly you understand. Wouldn't you do the same?" "Sosai would *never*-- if he knows you're that jealous of me, he wouldn't *trust* me to you, he'll find out what you've done-- I can call him--" Her words tripped over themselves in her fear. "No, you can't call him. This room is lined with psi-dampeners. I made sure that you couldn't call Sosai-- *I* can't reach him from here, and my mind is much more powerful than yours. So he'll never learn that you changed your mind." "He'll *know!* You can't lie to him--" "Who's lying? You're a treacherous creature, Katse-- *you* could be lying, to save your own life. Sosai ordered me to kill you, not to make provisions for you changing your mind. So I'll kill you." She grinned broadly, cruelly. "But not right away. You're still so weak, you'd die too quickly. I'm going to give you a little more time, until you're stronger. Maybe a day or so. I want this to *last*." Terror gripped Katse. There *had* to be a way! "Gel Sadra-- *please!* I won't rival you for Sosai or your position-- I promise-- I can tell you things, things not even Sosai knows-- listen, I could be your adviser, I--" "Exactly *how* stupid do you think I am?" Gel Sadra tilted her head sideways. "Maybe I don't understand the Science Ninja Team, but I understand *you*, Katse. You and I are a lot alike. Except you're stupider, *and* a traitor." She chuckled. "I'm going to enjoy your death *so* much!" Fury swamped over her. "Gel Sadra, I'll see you *pay* for this!" she shrilled. "I swear!" "Oh, what are you going to do? Haunt me?" Gel Sadra said, laughing. She turned to her men. "She's weak. Don't hurt her *too* badly. We want her to feel all nice and recovered for her execution." A sick and impotent fury filled Katse. Too late, she had returned to herself, had thrown off Kymel's conditioning and realized what was truly important. She was going to die, and she didn't even have the comfort of believing it to be justified anymore, or that she would die for something more important than her life. *Nothing* was more important than her life. She remembered that now-- but Sosai couldn't hear her, and Gel Sadra wanted her dead. There was no way out. As Gel Sadra left the room, laughing, the men closed around the bed with faces split in broad grins. One of them yanked off the bedsheet. "Gel Sadra-sama *said* you were a woman now," he said, licking his lips, as he pulled up her hospital gown, bunching it above her breasts. "You were good enough last time, but this'll be even better." She was far too weak to fight them off, even if there'd been no straps holding her down. And it would be useless to beg, so she didn't. She did, however, scream. Normally Joe thrived on stress, but this had his guts twisted in knots. He didn't even know what to fear. Even now, the person he loved could be suffering in agony. Even now, the person he hated could be plotting against him. They were the same, and so he didn't know which to dread, which to plan for. Could he pin his hopes on rescuing Kyla, when it might be Katse he'd find? Could he fix his hatred on a reborn Katse when it might be the one he loved? When a lead finally came up, he was almost too overwrought to notice it. An isolated sentence drifted past his ears-- "heard he tried to kill himself--" and he thought nothing of it. He wouldn't have followed up, except for the next line. "Well, *that* wouldn't do him any fucking good, would it? He'd just turn into a bitch. Isn't that what they said?" Joe spun around. He was dressed in Galactor camouflage, but the intensity of his interest couldn't be hidden. "You guys talking about Katse?" "Well, who else turns into a bitch?" the second man, a skinny, swaggering man, said. "Maybe Gel Sadra does," the first man, a short Galactor with buck teeth, said. "Naah. I heard from a guy says he did her. She's a woman." "Did *Gel Sadra?* He had t've been shittin' you." "You said Katse tried to kill himself?" Joe insisted. "That's what I heard," the buck-toothed one said. "Yeah, but every time he dies he turns into a woman. That's what *I* heard. That's how come the Condor didn't plant him for good." "Why did he try to kill himself?" This was like pulling teeth. The first man shrugged. "Beats me." "Story is that Nambu brainwashed him," the second man said. "Maybe he didn't want to be deprogrammed." "Well, where're they keeping him?" "How come you're so nosy?" the skinny man asked, glaring suspiciously. The short buck-toothed one came to the rescue. "You want a piece of him, don't you? I don't know if the offer's still open, but you can go ask Gel Sadra-sama. They're keeping him at Alpha Base." "Where's that?" "Ask your chief to get you transferred. He'll switch you." "Might be too late by then," the skinny one said. "Okay. Right. Well, if you want to stick it to Katse that bad, go to the motor pool and get them to take you. Say it's your assignment. It's right over the ridge." Made sense. This base, close to a city, was a supply base, and there had to be another, more remote base nearby that it supplied. "Thanks," Joe said, unwilling to arouse suspicion just yet. "..tried to kill himself..." "...maybe he didn't want to be deprogrammed..." "...you want a piece of him too..." Hope and fear twined around his heart, choking him as he ran, abandoning this base and heading directly over the ridge in Bird Style. Hope, that it might after all be Kyla, that she might have kept her personality in the face of Galactor torture and not reverted; and fear, because if it *was* Kyla... the one Galactor had said it might be too late. What were they doing to her? He'd kill them. If it was Kyla, he'd kill every man, woman and other who dared harm a hair on her head. Marriochio came in, an hour or so after the men had left, with two nurses. Katse turned her head to stare at the three of them, bitterly. The nurses pulled the gown and blankets back over her bruised, fragile body, and changed her IV. Marriochio just watched. "Selina--" She had to beg, to plead. Marriochio was her only hope. "Selina, help me, please-- I promise you, if you help me, I'll get you out of here, I'll get your back repaired-- I'll make it up to you, Selina--" "Shh." Marriochio rolled up to the bed. "There's nothing I could do, even if I wanted to." "Selina, *please*--" "Tell me, Katse-sama. How do you like being a cripple?" The bitter words were like cold water thrown over Katse's face. Fury welled, and she strained uselessly at the elastic straps. "Damn you, Selina," she hissed. "You've come to gloat, then?" "I've come to do my job. To certify whether or not you're well enough to die. Gel Sadra, as usual, has no patience." Well enough to die. Then her life was in Marriochio's hands. "Selina, I didn't mean to abandon you! I--" "Hush." Marriochio shook her head. "How could I help you, Katse-sama? I have no hands. These--" she motioned with her head at the nurses-- "are loyal to me, but not enough to risk disobeying Gel Sadra. Gel Sadra doesn't like having other women in the organization, you know. She looks even harder for excuses to kill them than she does the men." "Then let me die quickly, at least." Katse's voice broke. "*Please*. Don't let her torture me!" "I can't stop her. She knows enough to know that you are no longer weak enough to spontaneously die. If you were to die now, it would mean that someone had killed you, and I would be the first suspect." Marriochio closed her eyes. "There's only one thing I can do." "What? What?" "You're weak, now. Given a day or two to recover, your recuperative powers would kick in, and restore your stamina. That stamina is no blessing to one dying under torture. It would be better to be tortured when you're weak, and will die under it quickly. If I were to tell her that you are now well enough to last, she'll take you, while you're still too weak to withstand very much. You'll die painfully, I'm afraid, but it won't last as long as Gel Sadra had in mind. That's as much as I can do." "No--" The color went out of Katse's face. She couldn't face it, not yet. Not yet. "I-- *stall* her, please, let me have more *time*--" "More time would be a greater curse than you think. If you were not so terrified, you would realize that the only mercy you could get at all would be to die now." "Selina! *Don't!*" Katse screamed, as Marriochio turned her chair away. "Don't tell her now! I'm not ready! *Please!*" But Marriochio and the two nurses left, and left her screaming curses at their backs. Several minutes later Gel Sadra came for her with a group of men. "Well, well. How pleasant to see you doing so well. I hadn't really wanted to wait, after all." "She lied! I'm not ready-- she said she'd tell you know so I would die more quickly--" Babbling in terror. "Silly fool, silly fool, don't you think I know what you're trying to do? I *know* you, Berg Katse-kun. You're just trying to talk me out of killing you." Gel Sadra motioned at her men. "Bring her to the chamber." "*Noo!!*" As they unlaced her from the straps, a wild burst of adrenaline gave her the strength to fight-- but not the strength to win. The Galactors subdued her easily, laughing. They held her up with her arms yanked cruelly behind her back, almost dislocated. Gel Sadra came up close and towered over Katse, looking down. Her breath was weirdly sweet, and she smelled faintly of milk and talcum powder as she laughed like a delighted child. "I'm so glad you came back to yourself. If you were still brainwashed by Nambu when I killed you, you would go all noble and self-sacrificing on me, like you did before, and I think that would be very dull. I like to watch you grovel and scream." There was nothing worse Gel Sadra could do than what she already planned. So Katse spat in her face. Gel Sadra screamed in outrage, and pummeled her, punching her in the stomach and jaw as the Galactors held her still. The world swam, turning red and hazy. There was a ringing in her ears. *Maybe Gel Sadra will kill me this way, by accident*, she thought, not displeased with the idea. But apparently the same thing occurred to Gel Sadra, because she stopped. "You're trying to provoke me into killing you now," Gel Sadra hissed. "You're such a skinny bony thing, I could break you in pieces without trying very hard. That's what you want, isn't it? So you don't have to face the Devil Gear." *Is that its name?* The beating had numbed her, brought her too close to unconsciousness to really feel her own terror anymore. She wanted to say something defiant and push Gel Sadra the rest of the way, but it hurt to talk and she couldn't think straight. "Well, it won't work," Gel Sadra continued. "*Now* you're going to face the machine." The detachment of pain and looming darkness lasted as they marched down the corridor. She wondered if Joe would be happy to learn how she'd died. Certainly. If he'd cared, he'd have rescued her. The Condor was a psychopathic maniac who would undoubtedly want Berg Katse's death to be as slow and painful as possible. *But I'm not Katse-- am I?* *Of course I am. Changing my name was bullshit. I'm the same person I always was-- aren't I?* For a second she almost had it-- a vision of herself, not as a singular person, but as a series of different, only distantly related individuals, stretching back through time. The person who had loved Jay Samonetti was not the person who had led Galactor, but that person hadn't been the one that joined Galactor, and that one hadn't been the homeless teenage thief... So who was she now? In the moment of final extremity, who was she? Then she saw the Devil Gear again, and all philosophy became impossible as terror slammed down on her mind, knocking her out of her comforting state of near-unconsciousness and back to the waking world. Joe found and killed a Galactor for his costume, went back to civilian clothes, and put it on over them. He stuffed the body in a broom closet. If the Galactors even suspected an intruder in the base, they'd know immediately what his objective was. Not even Gel Sadra was *that* stupid. And then it might be impossible to get Kyla out alive. No. He'd called the team, but none of them were close enough to get here sooner than half an hour, and he didn't think they could wait that long. So he couldn't count on backup. He had to try to infiltrate and act like he belonged, though every nerve was screaming to charge through the base until he found her. Or him, if the Galactors had been wrong about the Change. It didn't matter. If Kyle had held out this long against Galactor tortures, then he too was Kyla. As Joe headed purposefully for the lower levels, he saw a knot of Galactors clustered by the elevators. Some were not wearing masks. "...offshift. Damn! I was hoping she'd wait until tomorrow. I wanted to see it." "We could go ask Gel Sadra-sama if we could watch anyway," a second one said, grinning. "After all the help we gave her and Sosai." "That must've been fun," a third said enviously. Were they talking about what he thought they were talking about? Joe froze in place, trying to act as if he were nonchalantly reading the posted propaganda messages, while straining every muscle not to attack. Not until he heard more. "Oh, it was great. He screamed just like a girl. Almost as good as one, all ways. Begged good, too." "I heard he *is* one now." A fourth Galactor smirked. "Is. Bunch of us had her." "Any good?" "Man, she was so--" Joe's control snapped. With a scream, he lunged forward and put his fist through the smirking man's face, plunging through the skull into the brain matter beyond. He had never used full cyborg strength. Jay had never had a reason to grab a Galactor and tear his head off, splattering blood and vertebra everywhere; never had a reason to punch a man in the gut so hard his fist sank into the soft flesh and burst out on the other side, covered with entrails. Joe had a reason. He screamed and screamed, deep- throated war cries of inarticulate hate and consuming rage, as he literally tore the Galactors apart. One man was left. One man, who'd tried to run, and slipped on his comrades' innards. Joe hauled him up, gibbering. "*Where is she?*" "Y- yuh- you mean K-Katse?" "*WHERE IS SHE!!*" Joe shook the man violently. "Ah-- ah-- lowest level! Infirmary, or else execution chamber, with Devil Gear!" *Too late??* He shoved the man's chin up hard enough to snap the guy's neck and ran for the stairwell, shedding his bloodstained Galactor camouflage as he did so. He leapt off the stairs and transmuted in mid-air, landing on the flight below in Bird Style. Then he flew down the rest of the stairs faster than a human could move, pushing himself to the limit. *She's got to be alive. She's *got* to be! Hang on, Kyla, I'm coming!* They brought her to face the machine, and she screamed. Every muscle contracted as she fought desperately to free herself from her captors. They held onto her, cursing, and forced her forward. She shrilled curses back at them, and screamed hysterically, tugging with all her strength. Her knees gave out, and she went deadweight, sagging. They hauled her up by her armpits. If she were stronger, there were so many things she could do, so many gambits she could try, to get free... But she was already at the upper limit of her strength. They forced her down onto the table, turned her face-up, and pulled her arms and legs spread-eagle. It took four of them to do it. Had she been stronger, it would have taken six or eight. She was berserk with terror, unable to feel the pain as she wrenched muscles and bruised her skin in her struggle. But berserk panic wasn't enough-- she just didn't have the strength. They snapped cuffs over her wrists and ankles, and then pulled up her gown so they could place another, larger restraint over her stomach, a metal clamp cold against her skin. She stopped screaming, and lay quietly, gasping, trying to regain her strength. Gel Sadra walked over to her and yanked the gown down to cover her body again. "Keep her covered up, that's disgusting," Gel Sadra said to her men. Extremes of any emotion could shift easily to other extremes. Something broke inside Katse, and she began to giggle hysterically. Gel Sadra had left her to be beaten and raped, planned to torture her to death slowly, and yet didn't want her exposed because "that's disgusting". Gel Sadra looked down at her, annoyed, as she laughed. "What's so funny?" Gel Sadra demanded "You are!" Katse gasped. It wasn't *that* funny, but she was completely out of control. Her laughter had almost become sobs. She couldn't stop. "You won't think it's so funny when Devil Gear begins to bite away your flesh," Gel Sadra snarled. But she didn't think it was that funny, after all. Uncontrollable laughter phased into equally uncontrollable sobs. She began to writhe in her bonds again, throwing her weight uselessly one way or the other, trying to break free. Gasps, punctuating her sobs, became whimpers and moans of terror, occasionally shading into choking screams. Gel Sadra, evidently gratified by the transformation, smiled down at her delightedly. "And we haven't even *begun* yet. Oh, this is going to be great!" Through tear-blurred eyes, Katse saw the geared blade overhead move forward at Gel Sadra's command, until it was poised over the exposed fleshy thigh of her left leg. The gear began to spin. Sobbing hysterically, Katse thrashed, trying to pull the leg free even if it broke every bone in her foot. "Lower the gear!" Gel Sadra shouted triumphantly. "No no no no please no no no please no--" The whine of the lowering, spinning blades drowned out her sobs, her babbling desperate pleas. At the last second, when she could feel the wind of the spinning blades on her bare leg, she screamed and clenched her eyes shut, stiffening for the blow. There was pain. Shrieking, grating pain, as the dull razors ground into her thigh, chewing away the flesh. Terror had made her anticipate the pain, but it was worse in actuality, as pain always was. She shrieked and sobbed and writhed, trying to pull her leg away, as the wheel dug into her. Then it stopped. The impact as the wheel was knocked away carried to her flesh for a second, and then there was no further pressure. Startled, she opened her eyes and tried to focus through the blur of tears. Something had hit the wheel and knocked it off her body. Something that looked like a cable. "Gel Sadra!" a familiar voice shouted. "Say your prayers!" "It's the Condor!" a Galactor cried. "Shoot him, *shoot him!*" Gel Sadra's shriek was tinged with hysteria. Kyla swallowed a sob, twisting her head. There he was, with his cablegun. Since regaining her memories, that had been her least favorite of his weapons, for obvious reasons. Right now it was redeeming itself. "Jay..." Her voice, hoarse from screaming, couldn't manage much more than a whisper, then a sob. "Jay!" *He came back for me, he came back for me...* From the moment she'd heard his voice, the world had turned right- side-up again. Jay had come to rescue her. He loved her. The surge of joy that overwhelmed her was so great she almost forgot the agony of her mutilated leg. She watched as he tore viciously into the Galactors, using his full strength without restraint, and felt uneasy. Part of her cheered him on, wanting to bathe in her tormentors' blood. But another part shrank back in fear. That wasn't Jay. Jay could never be so bloodthirsty. That was Condor Joe, and all bets were off. Had he come back to rescue her, after all? Or had he come to kill her himself? Gel Sadra shrieked and ran for the exit while there were still half a dozen of her men left. Kyla didn't watch. All her attention was on Joe, fearfully. Was he her lover, her savior? Or was he her destroyer again? Then he was finished with the Galactors. He reached her side and ripped the restraints free. "*Kyla!*" he screamed, lifting her frail body off the table. "Kyla, can you hear me? Are you all right?" "You came back for me," she whispered. A sudden wave of dizziness swamped her, and the ache in her leg started up again, fresh and fierce. She clutched him with what tiny scrap of strength she had. "Do you love me now?" "Hang on. I'll get your leg bandaged up, and we'll get you to Dr. Nambu." He lowered her back onto the table, grabbed bandages and surgical tape off a tray, and began to bind the gouged wounds in her leg. "They said you tried to *kill* yourself." "I did." The world was swimming. She lay back, trying to keep herself out of the encroaching darkness. "Why?" "Because--" And horror struck, as she remembered that her sacrifice had been for nothing. She'd reverted. From the time she'd woken from the Change, to the time she heard Joe's voice, she'd been Berg Katse again. He had killed himself to keep from falling, but he had Changed and fallen anyway. "They wanted me to be Katse," she whispered, through a throat tight with horror. She could never tell him of her failure. Never. "They wanted me to betray you, and I wouldn't, so they tortured me so I'd be Katse again. Then they wanted me to kill a woman and a baby. Sosai did. He said Gel Sadra would use Devil Gear on me if I didn't. So I stabbed myself in the throat." "Oh, God," he whispered, and embraced her. "Kyla, I'm sorry, I thought, I thought you would--" *Thought I would fall. And I did.* Bitter tears burned her eyes. He *should* have left her here to die. "I thought if I died for you you would love me." Her voice seemed strangely distant and childish. "Do you love me?" "Yeah, I love you. Now shut up. You're going into shock." He lifted her in one arm. "I'll need my gun arm free. Can you hang onto me so you don't flop around like a sack of potatoes or something?" Kyla giggled, and listened to herself disapprovingly. She *must* be in shock. Her emotions were fluctuating madly, from suicidal despair to overwhelming joy. *I've got to get control, so I don't get in his way.* "I... yes, I can do that." Her arms were feeble, but she managed to wrap them around his chest and at least hold herself upright. They charged down the corridor. Every so often Galactors came out to attack them. Joe mostly used feather shuriken on them, as with Kyla in one arm he was limited in his range of movement. "I called the others, they'll be here to pick us up!" "That's good..." She hadn't the strength to be afraid just now, and there was no need. Joe would protect her. For the first time, she actually saw something positive in her Jay having become Condor Joe. Condor Joe was more frightening, but that also made him a stronger protector. She didn't doubt for a moment that he would get them out of this. Then the floor buckled underneath them. They plunged down toward a brightly lit room. Joe whipped out his cablegun and fired at the room's ceiling, imbedding the cable tip in the plastic surface. The shock of impact jolted Kyla loose, and she slipped. Joe managed to grab her again, catching her under the arms. It was more uncomfortable, but she hadn't the strength to hold herself to him so he could move his arm down to her waist, and he couldn't do that one-handed. They hung from the ceiling, Joe holding his cablegun in one hand and Kyla in the crook of the other arm. Water started pouring into the room, from holes in the wall. "Looks like a door down there," Joe said. "Kyla, you know anything about these kind of rooms? Would it be safe to go down there?" "Almost certainly not." Focus. She forced herself back to the real world. Her body seemed to have burned out on adrenaline-- the thought of imminent death brought only a slight jump. "There's-- there's something wrong with it. A trap of some sort. There always is." "Well, like *what?* There's water pouring in--that could be the deathtrap. If I could put you down or let go the cablegun for a minute, I could get us both out of here." "Your shuriken. They're made of metal?" "I-- metal hafts, yeah. What's that--?" With one weak hand, she reached around him and pulled one of his shuriken loose from the pack he kept them in, tossing it into the water. It jumped, and sparks leapt from it. "The floor's electrified. If we touch the water, we're dead." "Shit." Joe went pale, seeing the trap for himself. Gel Sadra's laughter boomed over an intercom. "That's right! There's no escape! I was awfully disappointed when you evaded the Devil Gear, Katse, but perhaps it was fate. Now I have a wonderful opportunity to eliminate both you *and* the Condor! I'll just sit here and watch you await your doom!" "Where's the camera?" Joe murmured. Kyla swept her eyes across the walls. "Over there," she murmured. "Mike's embedded in it." Joe twisted and flung a feather shuriken. "Watch *this*, then!" he shouted, as the shuriken buried itself in the camera lens. "Does that do us any good?" Kyla asked, hoping he had a plan. "Not really. But I'll be damned if I'll die to give Gel Sadra entertainment." "So you don't have a plan." "Yeah, I've got a plan." His gun hand was also his bracelet hand. He pulled himself up so his head was level with his wrist, in an amazing feat of strength. "G-2 to Gatchaman. Where the *hell* are you?" "In transit. ETA 10 minutes. Has something come up?" "You might say that." Joe looked down. "It looks like Kyla and I might get electrocuted inside 10 minutes. Could you *hurry?*" "Where are you? What's the situation?" "I"m holding Kyla and hanging from the ceiling. The floor's electrified and Gel Sadra's filling the room with water. I can't get the leverage to get back out through the trap door, not with Ky, and there aren't any other doors that aren't under water. So I'd really appreciate it if you or someone else showed up in time to save our butts." "How much time?" "Hard to say. Five to ten minutes of Gel Sadra doesn't pull something else cute." "Can Kyle survive electrocution?" "I could," Kyla said, overhearing, "if I hadn't just Changed. Another Change now would kill me." Joe relayed that. Ken sounded surprised. "So she's female again?... All right. I haven't got a brilliant plan for you, so I'm just going to try to cut my ETA in thirds and get there in time to bail you out. *Hang on*. The others are on their way, too-- one of them might be there before me, though I don't think so. Just don't give up, and we *will* get you out of there." "Roger," Joe said. He let his arm straighten, lowering himself from the bracelet. "Ken's on his way." "I heard," Kyla said, and stared down at the rising water. "He's never going to make it in time." "Don't be so pessimistic. He'll make it." "*How?* You were being generous, giving five to ten minutes. It looks to me like three." "Physics," Joe said. "Most of the water holes are below you. When the water gets up to them, just as much'll come in as go out. It's only the one hole over there, in the ceiling, that'll keep pouring water the whole time, so the rate'll get slower and slower." "You're not *thinking*," Kyla snapped, her voice sharp with fear. "What if the water's under pressure? Or coming from up high? We have no guarantee that the tanks are at the same level as the holes-- that'd be the only way your theory would work." "Um. I was never any good at physics." "So we're dead." "Don't *talk* like that! We're going to get out of this!" Kyla didn't see how. Joe was so used to beating the odds, it probably hadn't occurred to him that it was possible for them to beat him. Kyla had, she felt, a much better grasp of the nature of the world. Shit happened. They were going to die. An overwhelming misery swamped over her. Why couldn't she have died before, when he'd killed himself? That way, at least, Joe wouldn't have been dragged down with her... A thought occurred to her, and she looked at Joe. "Didn't you say you'd have the leverage to get back out if you didn't have me to worry about?" "That's beside the point. I do have you to worry about." "But if you didn't, could you get out?" He sighed. "Probably, but I *do* have you to worry about." "Drop me." "No." "I'm serious! Save yourself! Joe, I killed myself, before. I've been living on borrowed time ever since. You *have* to live-- I don't. Your team needs you." "I'm *not* dropping you. We get out of this together or not at all." "Don't be a fool! Your team needs you! I'm dead already!" "You are *not!* I'm not going to let you die, all right? So stop it!" She had to save him. Had to make him see that the smart thing to do was abandon her, save himself. "You would do it if I were still Katse." "If you were still Katse, we wouldn't be in this situation." "But I *was*. I reverted, Joe. I fell. From the time I woke up after the Change, this morning, to the time I heard your voice, I was Katse." The horror of her own words overwhelmed her. "I-- I-- I would have sold all of you out if Gel Sadra hadn't been too jealous to let me talk to Sosai. I wanted to betray you all to save myself. Joe, you *ought* to let me die!" He stared down at her, his expression unreadable. "This-- was after you tried to kill yourself?" "Yes. I held out that long, but I stabbed myself because I knew I was slipping, and when I woke up I'd fallen all the way. I didn't start thinking as Kyla again until you rescued me." "Let me get this straight. The Galactors hold you captive for ten days. They beat you, torture you, do god knows what, to make you betray people that as far as you knew hated your guts. You wouldn't do it. You held out to the point where, when they asked you to kill somebody, you killed yourself instead. Then you do this sex-change thing, which I hear makes you nuts anyway, finally break when it's too late to make any difference-- and as soon as I show up you come back to yourself. Right?" "I-- suppose--" "Kyla-- Ky, you're only human. Actually, I never figured you'd hold out as long as you did. And if all it took was my showing up to bring you back to yourself-- if you'd really been Katse, you ought to have hated me." "But I would have sold you out! If Gel Sadra had let me talk to Sosai- -" "In the first place, you don't know that. Maybe your conscience would've kicked back in. In the second place, everybody's got a breaking point. I frankly doubt that *Jinpei* could've held out for ten days, and he's been trained. And I trust that kid with my life. And in the third place-- if it takes that much stress to turn you into Katse, and it's that easy to make you come back... See, I was wrong. I figured you'd go a lot easier than that. If it takes *that* much, then Berg Katse is effectively dead." "But if we do survive this, and then they captured me again, and Gel Sadra did the smart thing--" "Well, there you go. The problem is solved. Whatever *you* turn into, Gel Sadra will *always* be an ass." "Joe, you're not *listening!*" "No, *you're* not listening." He lifted her slightly and looked into her eyes. "You're not Katse. You've got a breaking point, sure-- but so does everyone else. And I'm not about to lose you again. If we die, we're gonna die together. You hear me?" She stared at him. "I thought-- you would hate me. For breaking." "Well, I don't. All right?" Tears welled in her eyes. "I thought-- I thought you hated me, after I Changed the first time--" "I'd just got my memories back, is all. I was confused. All right? I couldn't see past what I was remembering. When-- when you got captured, I realized-- I *did* know the difference between Kyle & Katse. Between *you* and Katse. But I was so scared you were going to revert, be plotting against us--" "But I *did*." "Yeah, but it took you *killing* yourself to push you that far. I mean, you fought it all the way. I didn't think you would. Be able to. And you woke right up out of it. That's not reverting. I thought you'd *be* Katse. When I heard from the Galactors how you tried to kill yourself, and I realized it was still going to be *you*-- I didn't want to lose you, okay? I realized that. I--" He pulled her in closer. She could no longer see his face, as her head was pressed next to his, over his shoulder. "I still love you. All right?" She whispered his name and wrapped her arms around his neck, as tightly as she could with her weakness. Even if they had to die, it was almost bearable now. He still loved her. He wouldn't leave her. She could die happy, knowing that. The water continued to rise. Joe drew up his own legs. Even given his inhuman strength, Kyla thought, this must be agony for him-- to lift himself by the strength of muscles alone, with no support at all. "Can you wrap your legs around my waist?" he asked. She tried, but only one would respond. The left leg, that Gel Sadra's Devil Gear had taken a chunk out of, hung like deadweight. "I can't make it move. Too much of the muscle's gone." "Damn. I can't pull you up much farther. Can you grab that leg and haul it up?" She tried, but couldn't get the leverage. She could barely get her hands around it, and it was too heavy to lift from her angle. "I *can't*." Joe hauled her up a bit more. It was obvious that he was straining, that he'd reached the point where even cyborg muscles met their limits. Kyla thought briefly of shoving off, forcing him to drop her, so he could save himself-- but he had said they would die together, and she suspected that if she did manage to fall he'd just jump in after her. She wondered if he could survive electrocution. Some cyborgs could, but they were almost all metal and Joe had a great deal of flesh left. The water continued to rise. It was almost lapping at her toes, and she couldn't draw her leg up any more. "I love you," she whispered. Then the trap door fell open. "You guys need a hand down there?" Ken shouted. "Ken!" Joe grinned broadly, and Kyla almost laughed. Who'd *ever* have thought she'd be grateful to see Gatchaman, someday? "Yeah," Joe said. "I'm going to toss Kyla up to you. Grab her and pull her out. Her leg's injured and she's weak." "You're going to *toss* me at him?" "You got a better idea? Ken hasn't got a rope. Don't you trust my aim?" "*Your* aim, I trust. *His*, is what I'm worried about." Before Kyla had a chance to keep arguing, Joe swung them both back, and as they swung forward like a pendulum on the return stroke, he tossed Kyla upward. She flailed her arms in the air, shrieking, and encountered Ken, who grabbed her and pulled her up. "Don't trust my *aim*?" Ken said in mock outrage, pulling her away from the trap door. "I sliced your mask in half with my boomerang once without touching your face, and you don't trust my *aim?*" "I'm a bit heavier than a boomerang. And you *did* scratch my face. I remember distinctly. I had to wear this ridiculous bandage down my nose for the rest of the day." "I don't remember that." "It was under my mask, dummy. Of course you wouldn't have seen it." Joe swung himself up and landed next to them. "I see you two are getting along well as usual," he said, grinning. Ken grinned back, then sobered. "Seriously. Are you okay, Kyla? Why are you female again?" "Does she *look* okay, Ken? She tried to kill herself so X couldn't brainwash her. That hole in her leg's what he gave her for it." "Not X. Gel Sadra." Kyla tried to stand without Ken's support, swayed, and fell back against Joe, who caught her. "I see," Ken said, in a tone that meant he didn't see at all. "Anyway. Let's get out of here." Dr. Kymel came to G-Town to treat Kyla. "You should stay here," she said. "I didn't realize it before, but Douglas-- the man who designed this place-- had some training in parapsychology. G-Town is lined with psi- dampeners; X won't be able to reach you here." "What about you?" "What about me?" "If I need you. As a doctor. I thought you didn't like to come to G- Town." "I'll live," Kymel said. "But Dr. Nambu--" "Kozaburo and I have-- an agreement to avoid each other." There was pain in her voice. Kyla wanted to help her, to do something-- but she had a hard enough time managing her own love life. What could she possibly do for Dr. Kymel? Dr. Nambu came to visit a good interval after Dr. Kymel had left. "Will you be coming back to work?" "It looks that way." Of course she would. She had a very personal reason to want Sosai and Gel Sadra dead. But she knew better than to let Nambu know that-- he'd use it against her if she ever changed her mind. Nambu was a good man, but his dedication gave him the ability to trample on anyone else's rights for his cause. She knew that now, and knew just how far she could, and couldn't, trust him. "I'm glad. Have you and Joe worked things out between you?" "Sort of. Where's the baby?" "He's in the care of two full-time nurses. We can work out more permanent day-care arrangements for him. By the way, what's his name?" "I didn't name him. I think I should talk to Joe. Where's he?" "He's with the baby at the moment, I think. I'll tell him you want to see him." The Science Ninja Team, sans Joe, showed up one by one to offer condolences, homemade get-well cards (Jinpei), and brownies (Jun). Kyla laughed as she took the brownies. "How did you know I'm a junk-food fiend?" "We sort of got a clue after you stole all the sugar," Jinpei said innocently. Jun whapped him. "Jinpei!" "It's all right," Kyla said. She took a brownie off the plate. "That was part of my life, too. It doesn't do any good to try to pretend it didn't happen." Finally, after so long she was beginning to suspect he was avoiding her, Joe showed up. "And where were *you?*" Joe looked embarrassed. "I didn't figure you wanted me hovering over you while Dr. Kymel fixed you up, so I went to see the baby, got talking to one of the nurses about him, and I sort of lost track of time. He's getting to look a lot better now. Sharp as a whip, too." Kyla raised an eyebrow. "He?" "He's got to be one or the other." "Does he?" "Unless you want him growing up as miserable as you." "Point." Kyla sighed. "But I want him to know he *can* be either. That if he ever wants to, he can change." "What for? Most people can't. What does he need to know that for?" "Because he can. Do you want to be like Dr. Kymel? Hiding the truth about himself from him so he'll conform to our idea of 'happiness'?" "Yeah. I see what you mean." Joe leaned against the wall. "You can handle that part. I don't think I could." "Fine. What'll we name him?" "What about after my father?" "*No*." Joe's eyes narrowed at the vehemence in Kyla's tone. "What's the matter? You've got some problem with my father?" "As it happens, yes." "What, because he betrayed Galactor? So did *you!*" "I don't want to talk about it. We're not naming him after your father." "Well, we're sure as hell not naming him after *your* father." "That's for certain," Kyla agreed. "What about after Ken or somebody?" "Too confusing." She frowned. "I would like to name him after you... but not you as Joe. Your Jay self was what you'd have been if Giuseppe and Caterina hadn't died. I want our baby to be like that. A new beginning." "So name him Jay." "No, that's confusing, too. And Jay turned into Joe. Something similar..." She considered. "Jason." "Jason Asakura?" "Jason Samonetti." "Now wait a minute. I want him to carry on the name. Samonetti doesn't really mean anything to us." "Asakura is the name your father picked so his relatives wouldn't be endangered by his joining Galactor. Samonetti is the name you and I shared together. And Asakura is known to be the last name of Joe the Condor-- I figured *that* much out before you shot me. It'll be in Galactor's files. You should keep the legal identity of Jay Samonetti, to throw Galactor off, and that should stay Jason's last name. At least until Galactor falls." "But they know you--" "No, the don't. I never told them I was Kyle Samonetti, and I was living under a different name when they captured me, if you recall." "Yeah. Makes sense. All right." He sat down. "Damn. I don't have to like it, though." So he had that little interest in being Jay Samonetti. Kyla winced. Joe saw it and misunderstood. "You feel okay?" "I feel like shit. My leg still hurts, I pulled every muscle in my body fighting the Galactors, and I'm *still* weak from the Change. The fact that they raped me right after didn't help." His face darkened. "One of the bastards was bragging about that. I punched in his skull for him." That was encouraging. "Thank you." "You-- are you okay? On that?" "Well-- the tissues are a lot more sensitive directly after the Change. Which has its points, at times, but it means they did a lot more damage than they normally would have. I'll be sore for several days, even at the speed I heal." "I didn't mean physically. I meant-- are you *okay* on it?" For a second Kyla was confused. What did he mean? Then she realized he must be talking about her state of mind, and laughed. "Oh! You mean, am I about to suffer a nervous breakdown because of it? Not likely. I grew up mostly on the streets, Joe. Rape isn't anything I haven't dealt with before-- more times than I can remember, probably. I just look at it the way I look at anything unpleasant. You try to get out of it before, make it shorter during and forget about it when it's over." "Most people can't see things that way. I'm surprised you..." "Because of my reputation as a coward?" "Well, yeah." Kyla shrugged. "Before something happens, I'm usually scared shitless," she admitted. "But when it's over, it's over. If I'm safe and it's not going to happen again anytime soon, I just get on with my life. That's the only way I've survived these thirty-odd years." "Maybe that explains it. I always wondered why you didn't give up, the number of times we kicked the shit out of you." "I don't give up that easily." She looked at him meaningfully. "Not most of the time." "Yeah." "So." She leaned back against the pillows. "What's going to happen?" "To what?" "To us. We're talking like we're going to stay together. Are we?" "Well, if you never get pregnant again, you'll never turn into a man again, will you?" "I have to, at least once, to regenerate what Gel Sadra did. I'm not going to go through life with a gimpy leg. And it's hard to tell from recent experience, but the Change actually does some beneficial things for me." "Like what?" "Keeps my brain from getting too crowded, for on. I have total recall for everything that happened since the last Change, which can be distinctly uncomfortable if what happened since the last Change was very bad. If it weren't for the fact that I had amnesia most of the time, I doubt I could have gone those three years without Changing without getting seriously distracted. It restores my health, once I recover from it, and it *usually* sends my libido through the roof." "Usually? As opposed to now?" "I'm *sore* now. Wait three days and see for yourself." "Would you *not* Change? If I asked you to?" "Would it be worth my while?" "What do you mean?" "I mean I am what I am, and compromises go both ways. Could you accept me if I *did* Change?" Joe sighed. "I don't know." "You don't know." "No, I don't. This-- this isn't as simple as you seem to think, Kyla. I'm not gay, I don't *like* the idea of my wife turning into a man. Maybe I could handle that much-- I mean that I could at least be okay with you for that time, I still wouldn't go to bed with you-- but the thing is, the man you turn into is Berg Katse." "Berg Katse was a woman as much as a man." "Yeah, but *I* didn't see that. Part of the reason I freaked when you Changed was that I couldn't see you as anything but Katse. I mean, you *sounded* like him--" "How would *you* know? The whole month I was male, you didn't talk to me once!" "Well, I *figured* you would sound like him. I mean, it's the same voice. And you looked like him--" "Again, how would you know? You only saw me once without my mask, and I was female then." "Twice. I saw you twice." Abruptly she remembered. "When we killed each other." "Yeah. And you were a man then. Besides, I know *now* what Katse looked like, and it was you. I don't know if I can handle that, Kyla. I can accept that you were Berg Katse when you're female, because I think of Katse as male. So you seem more like a different person. But when you're male--" "I accept *you*. And I hated you as much as you did me." "It's different. I didn't change." "Yes you did. From Condor Joe to Jay. And now you're Joe again." "I can't help that. Jay was innocent. I know too much." "Yes. I know the feeling." She put her arm over her forehead. "You can't go hating me half the time and loving me the other half, Joe. I-- can only go so far, changing myself to be what you want. You've got to meet me part of the way." "I don't know if I can." He looked away, then back at her. "I'll try. Okay? That's all I can promise you. I love you-- but I don't know if I can stand to live with you. But I can try it. Okay?" "Do you have any idea what you did to me when you left me?" she asked, arm over her eyes, facing the ceiling. "Do you have any idea how that felt?" "I can guess." "No. You can't. I've had people I cared about abandon me, been forced to abandon them, so many times-- I *killed* a boy I loved once, because he did to me what you did and I lost control. I went through hell and back to bring *your* child into the world, and you essentially called me a monster and slammed the door as you left. I lost all interest in *living*, Joe. I'd have killed myself if not for the baby. And now you tell me you'll *try?* That *maybe* we can live together? *Maybe* you can learn to stand me without *puking?*" "That's not what I--" She sat up, dropping her arm. Her eyes blazed with fury and tears. "That *is* what you said, essentially! You patronizing, macho *asshole*. You love me, so you'll *work* on tolerating me? Have you any *idea* how that sounds?" "Well, what can I do?" he shouted defensively. "I can't change who *I* am, either!" "But you want *me* to. Well, let me tell you something, Condor Joe Asakura. I *should* throw you out. I should take you patronizing offer and tell you to stick it where the *sun* doesn't shine. There's other fish in the sea. I'm sure *somebody* out there can accept me for what I am--" "Well, I can't!" he shouted. "Not that easily! So if you don't understand that, then go *find* one of those fucking other fish!" He turned to stalk out. "But I *can't*," she said, and her voice caught on a sob. "Because I love *you*, dammit, not some hypothetical person. I love you, so I'm trapped. I have to take any scrap you throw me." Joe stopped in mid-stalk, abruptly understanding. He turned back. She wasn't saying she would leave him. She was saying his inability to accept her for what she was bothered her as much as what she was bothered him. But they would both work on it, because they were both trapped. And neither of them gave up that easily. A nurse came in. "Mr. Samonetti, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now," she said. "Your wife needs to rest." Meaning, "you've tired her out by shouting at her and we think that's quite enough." Joe looked at Kyla. "They're throwing me out." "It's all right. Go see Jason. Make sure they're playing with him properly." "Sure. And I'll be back to see you as soon as I can slip past the nurses. All right?" "I'll be out of here in three days, definitely." "Isn't that when you said to check back with you about your sex drive going through the roof?" Kyla smiled wickedly, a match to his own smile. "Exactly." The nurse was getting agitated. "*Mr.* Samonetti--" "I'm going, I'm going," Joe said, and headed for the door. As he started out it, he leaned his head back in. "I'll be back later." "Fine." Kyla watched him go. It was not all right; there was no "happily ever after". But then, there never was. She wouldn't trust one if she found one. And he said he would try. She lay back on the pillows with a small sigh. It was a start, at least.